Mom Schedules Family Pictures As They Haven’t Had A Free-For-All Screaming Match Lately | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LUBBOCK, TX     Local mom Marcia Merrick decided to schedule family pictures with an expensive photographer as it had been far too long since they had all screamed at each other in abject rage.

    "This should do the trick," said Mrs. Merrick as she sent the photographer a deposit. "We'll be ripping each other to shreds in no time."

    After a couple of months of unbroken domestic tranquility, Mrs. Merrick began to feel something was missing. "It's quiet. Too quiet," said Mrs. Merrick, as the family ate dinner with contented smiles. "All of this 'getting along' is starting to make me feel gross. What we need is a good family brawl -- and I know just the thing."

    According to eyewitnesses, all four members of the family were screaming in tears a mere three minutes before the photoshoot. "WHERE IS YOUR SCARF??" shouted Marcia at their oldest. "ALL I WANT IS ONE FAMILY MEMORY! ONE MEMORY, PEOPLE! NONE OF YOU JOKERS WILL RUIN THIS FOR ME! NO, NO!!! THOSE ARE THE WRONG BOOTS, MARK!! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS, WASTED!" she cried.

    "Five...hundred... DOLLARS? AND YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE WHOLE TIME CRYING? NO! NO! THIS IS NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!!" yelled Mark, as the children burst into sobs. "You better get happy, like, RIGHT NOW PEOPLE! HAPPY OR ELSE!!!!"

    At publishing time, the family had several totes adorable photos of the family in matching plaid walking through a cornfield, and the photographer had promised she could photoshop out all the streaks of tears.