Thomas Kinkade Studios Releases 'Violent Scenes Of The Old Testament' Collection | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    MORGAN HILL, CA     In an exciting announcement arriving just in time for the holiday season, Thomas Kinkade Studios has unveiled its new "Violent Scenes of the Old Testament" collection of art prints.

    "A truly wondrous collection of heart-warming images," said the studio's press release announcing the new prints. "From a beautiful depiction of young David proudly carrying the severed head of Goliath as a trophy to an inspiring image of the disrespectful youth who were mauled by she-bears, this series of delightful paintings is sure to bring light and warmth to your living room."

    Thomas Kinkade Studios, long known for its beautiful artwork of serene imagery in the distinct style of its late founder, expressed hope that the new collection would open up new avenues to a previously underserved market of art lovers. "We looked at our catalog of art available and thought 'There isn't nearly enough blood and violence,'" said studio marketing director Shane Douglas. "There are customers out there longing to have the most shocking and uncensored biblical scenes prominently displayed in their homes, and this new collection aims to serve those needs."

    At publishing time, the studio believed the wall-sized prints of the Philistines being inflicted with an infestation of mice and hemorrhoids, Samson beating a thousand men to death with a donkey's jawbone, and David presenting King Saul with 200 severed Philistine foreskins would be particularly strong sellers.