IDF Uses Giant Mallet To Whack Terrorists Coming Out Of Flooded Tunnels | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    GAZA     After the discovery of a sprawling network of underground terror tunnels used by Hamas, it was announced that the IDF was preparing to flood the tunnels and then use comically oversized wooden mallets to whack Hamas terrorists on their heads as they popped out of the openings of flooded tunnels.

    "2,000,000 wooden mallets are ready, with a million more on the way," said Joseph Ben-David, spokesman for the IDF. "Our plan involves flooding the tunnels, at which point our soldiers will take turns bonking the terrorists as they poke their little heads out of the holes. To help keep soldiers on task, we are offering a special price to whoever gets the highest score."

    In response, Hamas has demanded a full cease-mallet in exchange for all remaining hostages. For now, the IDF is calling its bluff and has been hard at work developing other fun and creative ways to root out enemy combatants. "We thought about playing 'Last Christmas' by Wham! On a continuous loop to get them to come out," Ben-David said, "but that was deemed to be too cruel of a tactic. It seems the mallet idea is our best bet."

    In addition to the formation of Mallet Squads, a subset of the Israeli Special Forces, several scoreboards and ticket dispensers are also being constructed. "There will be stuffed animals and other toys available," Ben-David explained. "Whack a terrorist, go home with a stuffed Netanyahu doll. What could be better?"

    "I mean, other than peace obviously. But this is good, too."

    At publishing time, with IDF forces preparing the giant mallets for deployment, the United Nations expressed concern over the future use of carnival game tactics in war.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Eight Qualifications To Get A Job As Ivy League President Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Governor Cooper Announces State Boards and Commissions Appointments


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

6 month olld baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman
Far-left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was mocked online late on Monday after video of her yelling at pro-Palestinian activists went viral.
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro, along with hosts Matt Walsh, Andrew Klavan, and company co-founder Jeremy Boreing discussed the state of the 2024 presidential election before President Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address on Thursday.
Lots of elements that have to be dug up with heavy fossil fuel vehicles
Yet again we see the truth in the ole saying, once the camel gets his head under the test ain't no tellin what he will do next

HbAD1

joins West Virginia and Montana in ending Renewable Portfolio standards
good Washington Examiner analysis, but where is RNC on pushing back on this issue?
220 migrants storm border, assault border guards, but all are turned back
. . as feds continue to coverup manifesto of trans shooter at Covenant School
Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley said this week that the criminal trials against former President Donald Trump should happen before the upcoming elections.
NOAA fabricates temperature data for more than 30 percent of the 1,218 USHCN reporting stations that no longer exist

HbAD2

Stalin Show Trials by Democrats are the real attack on democracy
Vice President Kamala Harris ignored recommendations while attorney general of California to investigate an alleged pyramid scheme at a company linked to her husband, according to documents obtained by The New York Post.
sovereigntists / nationalists already control Slovak parliament
Democrat ticket is to the left of even liberal Roy Cooper
Is it not obvious that the dumb rules are not improving the environment, except the bank accounts of the rich
In response to the growing outcry over tens of thousands of migrants illegally flooding into the United States, President Joe Biden deployed federal agents to the southern border to help block journalists' cameras.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top