Police Warn Women Not To Jog Within 2,000 Miles Of An Open Border | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ATHENS, GA     Following the murder of a Georgia college student at the hands of an illegal immigrant, police issued a statement warning women to avoid jogging within 2,000 miles of an open border, particularly the southern border the U.S. shares with Mexico.

    "We know this is a tough time for our local community," Police Seargent Dan Jackson told reporters. "Due to the nature of the situation, we highly recommend women avoid jogging by themselves within at least 2,000 miles of any open border."

    "In fact, to be extra safe, women should just avoid going outside by themselves altogether for the time being."

    Jackson said police are still trying to determine what is causing the spike in crime in Athens and around the country but just to be safe they recommend women who wish to go jogging by themselves avoid the area within a 2,000-mile radius of the location where millions of people are streaming into the country completely unchecked.

    "Again, we refer the public to mainstream media reports reassuring the public that this incident had nothing to do with illegal immigration and that it's mostly the fault of women who think they can just leave their houses without putting themselves in danger. It's definitely not the stream of who-knows-who coming across our southern border."

    As of publishing time, newly released police reports identify the race of the alleged assailant in the USA murder as "white" and his occupation as "just looking for a better life."