The Dumpster Fire Is Saved: 9 Positive Changes Coming To Twitter | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Elon Musk recently found some spare change in his jeans pocket and decided to buy 9.2% of Twitter. Like a loving father, Musk is helping Twitter get back on the right path. Way to go, Elon!

    Here are a few of the epic changes coming to Twitter as a result:

    1) A warning label will be placed on all tweets that aren't based enough: The label will also be placed on memes that are insufficiently dank.

    2) You can now choose from one of three avatars-Musk, Doge, and Pepe the Frog: This is all you need.

    3) All tweets will freeze at 420 likes and 69 retweets: Nice.

    4) Donald Trump will be allowed back in exchange for removing porn, terrorists, and genocidal leaders: Seems reasonable.

    5) Sharing the New York Post story about Hunter's laptop is now mandatory: At least once per day. It's only fair.

    6) Tweets from AOC will automatically be translated into English: We've been waiting for this feature forever!

    7) The Babylon Bee will be placed in charge of all fact-checking: They are the most factual and infallible site in the world.

    8) Jack Dorsey will be required to tweet "Censoring conservatives makes me an enemy of freedom" 100 times: Get writing, mister!

    9) Anyone who doesn't like the changes will be offered the chance to leave and start their own social network: Conservatives are currently practicing their "smug" faces in the mirror for when they get a chance to say this.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Local Government Commission Letter Outlines Legal Concerns in Spring Lake Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Twitter Workers Worried Elon Musk Will Turn Their Free Speech Platform Into Platform That Allows Free Speech


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

slipped $3.5 Billlion into Israel / Ukraine / Taiwan military aid bill to do that
bans biological men from womens wards, ends tranny language
other states like Florida and Oklahoma are refusing to comply; what about NC?
replacing dependable coal with intermittant wind and solar may mean blackouts

HbAD1

populist right lawmaker not allowed to criticize EU's Green Deal
Biden's illegal rewrite destroys protection of women to pander to transgenders
It should be the People who make the essential decision(s)
Mark 8:15 And he charged them, saying, Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, and of the leaven of Herod.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Atheist Soros, although born Jewish, was Nazi collaborator in Hungary in WWII

HbAD2

anti-immigration conservative nationalist beats Social Democrat incumbent 2 to 1
Biden wants to push this in public schools and Gov. deSantis says NO
this at the time that pro-Hamas radicals are rioting around the country
populist / nationalist anti-immigration AfD most popular party among young voters, CDU second

HbAD3

 
Back to Top