The Dumpster Fire Is Saved: 9 Positive Changes Coming To Twitter | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Elon Musk recently found some spare change in his jeans pocket and decided to buy 9.2% of Twitter. Like a loving father, Musk is helping Twitter get back on the right path. Way to go, Elon!

    Here are a few of the epic changes coming to Twitter as a result:

    1) A warning label will be placed on all tweets that aren't based enough: The label will also be placed on memes that are insufficiently dank.

    2) You can now choose from one of three avatars-Musk, Doge, and Pepe the Frog: This is all you need.

    3) All tweets will freeze at 420 likes and 69 retweets: Nice.

    4) Donald Trump will be allowed back in exchange for removing porn, terrorists, and genocidal leaders: Seems reasonable.

    5) Sharing the New York Post story about Hunter's laptop is now mandatory: At least once per day. It's only fair.

    6) Tweets from AOC will automatically be translated into English: We've been waiting for this feature forever!

    7) The Babylon Bee will be placed in charge of all fact-checking: They are the most factual and infallible site in the world.

    8) Jack Dorsey will be required to tweet "Censoring conservatives makes me an enemy of freedom" 100 times: Get writing, mister!

    9) Anyone who doesn't like the changes will be offered the chance to leave and start their own social network: Conservatives are currently practicing their "smug" faces in the mirror for when they get a chance to say this.