Flight Attendants Thankful As They Can Now Identify Problem Customers More Quickly | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     With the recent lifting of mask mandates on airplanes, flight attendants have reported an unexpected benefit: problem customers can now be easily identified by their masks.

    Multiple members of flight crews confirmed that they can now quickly map out who the problem customers are on a given flight and position their defense appropriately.

    "We can spread out our zone formation to cover the areas with lots of maskers," said Jillian Adams, a Delta flight attendant. "We used to scan for visible body hair, T-shirts imprinted with too many words, and frumpy hairdos, but now we do a quick headcount and mark out a map of masked fliers. We can then assign our most grizzled steward to make regular passes by the seats of those we've dubbed 'Karens' to make sure they're not mask-splaining to their seat-mates, dripping gobs of hand sanitizer on anyone, or causing any ruckus."

    "Those wearing two or three masks and a face shield are granted special attention, and we generally switch to a man-to-man defense for those passengers."

    According to sources from multiple airlines, things got pretty hairy during the pandemic, as everyone wore a mask, and flight attendants weren't able to tell those wearing a mask voluntarily from normal people. But with the recent ruling striking down the mask mandate, wearing a mask is once again a sign of being a psychopath or else an old-timey bandit intent on stealing everyone's gold.