Parents Torn Between Giving Kid Smartphone And Just Dropping Him Off At A Pervert's House Directly | Eastern North Carolina Now | A local couple found themselves facing a challenging dilemma as they were confronted with deciding between giving their child a smartphone or just skipping the middle man and dropping the child off at a local pervert's house.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    CHICAGO, IL     A local couple found themselves facing a challenging dilemma as they were confronted with deciding between giving their child a smartphone or just skipping the middle man and dropping the child off at a local pervert's house.

    "We thought it would be perfectly fine to give our son his first smartphone for his eighth birthday," said the child's mother, Jeanie Harbinson. "There really doesn't seem to be any harm in it. I mean, he'll have virtually unfettered access to the seedy underbelly of civilization, but his friend has one and I don't want him to feel left out!"

    The boy's father, Burt, however, thought it may be best to just eliminate all the fuss and skip directly to the end result. "Why not just bite the bullet and drop him off at creepy Bo Jiden's house a few blocks from here?" Burt asked, referring to the unsettling local man long suspected of being a pervert by his neighbors. "Giving him a smartphone will just lead him into the path of online groomers anyway. Let's just get it over with."

    For his part, Jiden seemed to wholeheartedly agree with the boy's father. "I'm all in favor of them just dropping him off here at my place. Would save me a lot of leg work, honestly."

    At publishing time, in addition to giving the boy a smartphone, Burt and Jeanie were said to be considering providing him with cigarettes, hard alcohol, and a loaded firearm to put the child in as much danger as possible.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




In Affirmative Action Program, Starbucks Forced To Hire One Straight Male Barista Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics In Phenomenal Two-For-One Deal, Elon Musk Now Owns Both Twitter And AOC


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) said Tuesday that the incoming GOP House majority will investigate and potentially impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas over his handling of the U.S. southern border.
In a move that seems destined to produce both increased interest and controversy, coffee giant Starbucks has announced the start of a new promotion in which customers will receive a free shot of espresso if they are able to correctly guess their barista's gender when ordering
A group of mainly Republican-led states are seeking to get involved in the deliberations over Title 42 and want a federal judge to keep the border expulsion public health rule in place.
The Biden administration’s student loan forgiveness plan was pushed back again on Wednesday after an appeals court refused to pause a previous ruling against the policy.
As distrust in experts reaches record highs across the country, many experts are issuing a dire warning that if you stop listening to them it will make them feel sad.
The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) published a new report on Monday that recommends once again returning to the practice of social distancing and wearing masks.
With election upon us, the constant stream of campaign ads that most of us cannot seem to get away from has only steadily increased.
Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell remarked during a Wednesday speech that central bankers will likely slow their implementation of contractionary monetary policy this month.

HbAD1

RALEIGH: Today, Governor Roy Cooper announced that the State is offering a reward of up to $25,000 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for the murder of Patrice Faison, age 38.
Superstar Kevin Costner said he doesn’t care if people like him or not due to his political support of various candidates, and he explained that he’s got exactly zero plans to run for office.
The U.S. Embassy in Madrid announced that it discovered a letter bomb one day after a similar device exploded at the Ukrainian Embassy in Spain, injuring one staff member.
The latest projection from elections-analysis site FiveThirtyEight is that Republicans have an 85% chance of winning a majority in the U.S. House.
President Joe Biden reportedly plans to extend the pause on federal student loan payments through the summer of 2023 as his student debt cancellation plan faces legal challenges.
I love being in the presence of smart, articulate and visionary folks, even on a rainy, unseasonably cool mid-November evening.
GOP groups have requested that Georgia’s Supreme Court prohibit early voting this Saturday in the state’s runoff Senate election, arguing that state law dictates that early voting can’t take place on that day because it follows the Thanksgiving holiday.
Gaylord Perry, the Hall of Fame pitcher whose mastery of the spitball bedeviled batters and made him a two-time Cy Young award winner, has died.
Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker has turned away from his path to the Dark Side after stumbling across Jordan Peterson videos on Youtube and picking up a 12 Rules For Life hologram.

HbAD2

Dr. Anthony Fauci is all but finished “serving” the American people in the federal government, but before he departs to most likely make boatloads of money with books and movies, he had one final lecture for the United States.
CVS, Walmart, and Walgreens have agreed to a $13.8 billion opioid settlement to resolve thousands of nationwide lawsuits, according to a new report.
French president calls for political censoring of Twitter and supports migrant invasion
A recent Civitas Poll of North Carolina parents found that most parents believe they are best able to determine how and where their child is educated.
A new study revealed the rise in children going to the hospital for suicidal thoughts, which began to go up before the COVID pandemic and lockdowns.
legislation is work of Tillis and Sinema - no immigration reforms to even balance it
Voters in San Bernardino County, California, narrowly approved a ballot measure last week allowing officials to explore options to possibly secede the fifth-most populous county from the Golden State.
Gisele Bündchen is being romantically tied to her Jiu-Jitsu instructor, Joaquim Valente, after paparazzi spied the pair in Costa Rica, but a pal of the supermodel says they’re not an item.
It seems like no matter where you look these days, there's some godless communist trying to groom your kids! Don't let it happen!

HbAD3

 
Back to Top