Token Middle-Aged, Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ODESSA, TX     Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.

    "I'm so stoked - wait, is that how you use that word?" said Mr. Johnson, pulling out his guitar. "Man, I love that you all wear beanies. Really covers my hairline. Let's rock!"

    Though prone to doing awkward dance moves while strumming with his eyes closed, Mr. Johnson has been welcomed by the band with open arms. "One overweight older guy is pretty standard for worship bands these days," said vocalist Sam Larkin. "We had one, but Larry had to quit last year when he had his fifth kid. It hasn't felt right ever since, so we're pretty happy to have Mr. Johnson. Plus, he sometimes brings tacos to practice."

    Mr. Johnson had long harbored aspirations of being in a band, but his accounting work had always gotten in the way. "I've played guitar off and on for twenty years, but I was always afraid to take that leap," said Mr. Johnston. "I'm nervous, but I'm ready to step out of the spreadsheets and go for it. This is going to be - what's the word - oh yeah, lit!"

    At publishing time, Mr. Johnson was reportedly doing that weird half-march, half-dance thing again with his eyes closed.