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After finally tallying the votes from Maricopa County, Arizona has announced that Calvin Coolidge has narrowly defeated John Davis for its three electoral votes.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 4:17 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Hopes for the timely counting of Arizona ballots have hit a snag as famed author George R.R. Martin has been placed in charge of counting the state's ballots.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 2:33 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Radical young voter Lance Bean was awarded thirty votes after expertly entering the "Konami Code" into his electronic voting machine Tuesday. All votes reportedly went to Arizona gubernatorial candidate Katie Hobbs.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 12:39 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Hollywood legend Nicolas Cage revealed in a recent interview that, as a child, he had truly believed that he was from another planet.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 3:27 am
By: Daily Wire
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Major Capra was fresh from his stint in the U.S. Army Signal Corps; Colonel Stewart had just provided the U.S. Army Air Corps his best years; and these two great patriots made one great film.
Published: Saturday, December 24th, 2022 @ 4:47 am
By: Wyatt Sanderman Day
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After several days of hearings, a Connecticut jury has found Alex Jones guilty of defamation and has sentenced him to death.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 10:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
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On the heels of President Biden announcing the release of those imprisoned for non-violent marijuana offenses, Kamala Harris is demanding answers on who locked all those people up in the first place.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 9:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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With Ketanji Brown Jackson joining a growing number of women on the United States Supreme Court, Justice Clarance Thomas has taken to wearing noise-canceling headphones to help drown out the incessant chatter.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 9:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Quarterback Tom Brady is growing increasingly frustrated with his offensive line after they once again failed to protect him in a brutal loss to the Steelers.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 4:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a recent interview with CNN's Jake Tapper, President Biden sat down to assure the nation that while a nuclear war is likely on the way, it will only be "very slight."
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 4:19 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Last week, PayPal faced backlash after including verbiage in its Acceptable Use Policy that allowed the company to fine users $2,500 for "misinformation."
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 3:45 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Aides are scrambling to keep the President on track without wandering off stage and getting lost again on national television. To combat this, Biden's handlers have resorted to laying down a trail of women's hair on the ground for Biden to sniff and follow.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 3:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Turnage Theater celebrated Christmas early: "The Cowboy Way."
Published: Friday, December 16th, 2022 @ 4:41 am
By: Wyatt Sanderman Day
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Senator Mitt Romney reassured supporters today that he would be remaining a faithful member of the Democratic Party.
Published: Thursday, December 15th, 2022 @ 6:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Sporting a purple pin-striped suit and top hat while twirling a cane whimsically, President Biden announced today that he has hidden five golden crack pipes among the millions of taxpayer-funded safe smoking kits.
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 1:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A potentially disastrous situation was averted yesterday as White House aides were able to grab President Biden's arm in the nick of time and lead him away just as he was beginning to "follow the light."
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 1:23 am
By: Babylon Bee
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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi drafted articles of impeachment against newly elected Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni Tuesday to combat what she calls "far-right extremist Mussolini cosplay under the Tuscan sun."
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 1:07 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The top-secret military base Area 51 is being overrun by curious visitors this morning after former president Trump announced he had declassified the installation in his mind several years ago.
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 12:44 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local couple is in shock today after a startling visit from Rightful Georgia Governor® Stacey Abrams. According to sources, the couple was listening to the heartbeat of their child on a sonogram for the very first time when Abrams burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 12:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid a storm of controversy over recent antisemitic comments and remarks praising Hitler, Ye West has announced the release of his brand-new album My Struggle.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 12:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 5:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 10:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Future Earth after an alien invasion, and eventually Tom Cruise's character is left to pick up a good many of the broken pieces. Sounds solid enough for a decent film.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 10:44 am
By: Wyatt Sanderman Day
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Since her involuntary retirement from her lucrative gig as Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has been seen lingering on the street corners of the National Mall with a cardboard sign that says "Will trade stock tips 4 food."
Published: Thursday, November 24th, 2022 @ 8:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Trump is going to be president again! No, really! And when he takes office he's going to make America great and glorious again.
Published: Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022 @ 2:23 am
By: Babylon Bee
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N.C. Court of Appeals Judge Doug McCullough (d. 2022) discusses his book “Sea of Greed” during a July 21, 2008, presentation to the John Locke Foundation’s Shaftesbury Society.
Published: Monday, November 21st, 2022 @ 8:19 am
By: Carolina Journal
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Senator-elect John Fetterman has finally realized the American dream by living with his parents until at least the age of 50 before smoothly transitioning into a cushy government job.
Published: Wednesday, November 16th, 2022 @ 4:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A civil jury concluded Thursday that actor Kevin Spacey did not molest actor Anthony Rapp decades ago when Rapp was a teenager.
Published: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022 @ 7:19 am
By: Daily Wire
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As I grow older, I am reverting back to my years of listening to music.
Published: Monday, November 14th, 2022 @ 9:45 pm
By: Stan Deatherage
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Embattled actor Kevin Spacey maintained his innocence, claiming in court on Monday that his publicist was the one who made him apologize to actor Anthony Rapp, who has accused him of sexual assault and is suing for $40 million in damages.
Published: Monday, November 14th, 2022 @ 12:44 pm
By: Daily Wire
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New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times.
Published: Tuesday, November 8th, 2022 @ 4:23 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid shocking leaks that showed the Department of Homeland Security colluded with tech companies to suppress speech they disagreed with, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas has doubled down
Published: Tuesday, November 8th, 2022 @ 3:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Tom Hanks definitely got everyone’s attention when he said he’s made “a ton” of films during his career but only called four of them “pretty good.”
Published: Tuesday, November 1st, 2022 @ 10:57 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams made headlines this week by saying women can offset the cost of children by aborting them.
Published: Sunday, October 30th, 2022 @ 9:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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