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Massive waves have come crashing into the California coast as the Lord in His graciousness has sent ocean waters to wash away the sidewalk poop.
Published: Tuesday, March 19th, 2024 @ 10:05 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With Chinese President Xi Jinping arriving for a heavily publicized visit to the Bay Area, California Governor Gavin Newsom ordered officials to deploy a giant can of Febreze and spray the entire city in an effort to mask the overpowering smell of human feces.
Published: Sunday, January 14th, 2024 @ 10:20 am
By: Babylon Bee
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California Governor Gavin Newsom initiated a last-minute cleanup of San Francisco ahead of a visit from China's communist dictator President Xi.
Published: Sunday, January 14th, 2024 @ 9:58 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Americans are still reeling this morning after the shocking murder of California Governor Gavin Newsom was captured live on air and broadcast to millions of viewers.
Published: Friday, December 29th, 2023 @ 9:04 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Florida Governor Ron DeSantis whipped out a map during his debate with California Governor Gavin Newsom on Thursday night showing all the public places where human feces have been discovered in San Francisco.
Published: Saturday, December 16th, 2023 @ 2:20 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Many on social media these days are talking about the trend of "Tradwives", a totally new concept where women marry, have kids, take care of those kids, love their husbands, and engage in traditional home-making tasks.
Published: Sunday, December 10th, 2023 @ 2:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Florida Governor Ron DeSantis attacked tech executives this week for “groveling” to Chinese communist dictator Xi Jinping this week as he appeared in San Francisco for a meeting with President Joe Biden and California Governor Gavin Newsom.
Published: Saturday, December 2nd, 2023 @ 11:15 am
By: Daily Wire
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In a gracious move of bipartisanship, the Senate voted to relax rules to allow their freshman Senator Jabba The Fetterman to take a bath in the reflecting pool.
Published: Wednesday, November 22nd, 2023 @ 12:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a last-ditch effort to stop Californians from moving in and ruining their state, Texans have resorted to putting up billboards in California telling everyone how terrible Texas is and how they probably should just stay in California.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Following a much-publicized incident this week in which a flight had to turn back due to a passenger suffering from intestinal issues that created a biohazard, Delta Airlines has announced that all planes will be outfitted with an "explosive diarrhea' warning light.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 3:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Plumbing experts have determined that screaming, "No!! No, dear heavens, no!!!" is the most effective method of addressing an overflowing toilet.
Published: Monday, October 23rd, 2023 @ 3:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In the wake of Tropical Storm Hilary hitting Southern California and washing away debris from the streets with torrential rain, the substantial homeless population in the greater Los Angeles area has now begun the monumental task of re-pooping the sidewalks.
Published: Sunday, October 22nd, 2023 @ 9:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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CALIFORNIA — Citizens of California are holding out hope that flooding from Hurricane Hilary will wash off the massive amounts of poop clinging to the state's sidewalks.
Published: Wednesday, October 18th, 2023 @ 10:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As heavy rains began pouring down upon the landscape, sending thousands of people scattering in terror, Noah's wife placed a series of stick figure decals on the back of the ark, according to sources.
Published: Wednesday, October 18th, 2023 @ 12:19 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As Hurricane Hilary looms off the shores of the Golden State, Californians are rushing to prepare by nailing plywood boards onto their tent flaps and filling sandbags to protect their cardboard boxes.
Published: Tuesday, October 17th, 2023 @ 7:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Citizens braced themselves for yet another heavy crime surge this week after the city of San Francisco fined The Batman for putting a bright, obnoxious "Bat Signal" on the roof of a downtown building.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 8:03 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A young Finnish child was suddenly imbued with the incredible powers of advanced age and dementia Thursday after being bitten by a stray American president.
Published: Saturday, September 16th, 2023 @ 3:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In an ongoing dispute regarding the new illuminated "X" sign installed atop the former Twitter headquarters, city officials have now demanded Elon Musk have the sign removed because it is distressing to the people who are pooping on the sidewalk outside.
Published: Sunday, August 6th, 2023 @ 8:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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New dad Ben Olsen proudly completed changing his baby's diaper this morning with only 427 wipes, down from his previous record of 856 wipes.
Published: Friday, June 16th, 2023 @ 1:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Following a successful first term as Chief Executive of the United States of America, Volodymyr Zelensky has officially announced plans to run for a second term as U.S. President.
Published: Thursday, June 15th, 2023 @ 12:30 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Joe Biden was recently awarded an honorary doctorate degree from Howard University, a rare honor bestowed upon him just three years after he became Honorary President.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 5:28 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid outrage over former President Trump being indicted for a misdemeanor past the statute of limitations, Democrats have urged citizens to remain calm and let the justice system do its work, reminding everyone that Trump is guilty until proven guilty.
Published: Friday, April 14th, 2023 @ 12:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Hillary and Chelsea Clinton recently attended a Broadway show together, and someone reportedly left something near them in the aisle that sent an aromatic message.
Published: Monday, April 3rd, 2023 @ 12:22 am
By: Daily Wire
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Kirk Cameron reacted to his faith-based story hour being interrupted by Drag Queens and activists, noting the irony that the group that pushes “inclusion and tolerance” tried to ruin things — but he insisted they would not succeed.
Published: Sunday, April 2nd, 2023 @ 2:27 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Well, the day has finally arrived: your cute little parasitical clump of cells has popped out of one of the birthing persons in your relationship, and it's now suddenly a real human being. But what gender is it? It's hard to say. It could even be - fingers crossed - trans!
Published: Friday, March 24th, 2023 @ 3:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a stunning revelation last night, Fox News host Tucker Carlson aired previously unseen footage from the January 6, 2021 riot at the U.S. Capitol that definitively showed the mastermind behind the entire incident.
Published: Saturday, March 11th, 2023 @ 2:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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If you have never had the incredible joy of experiencing life alongside man's best friend, there is so much you are missing out on! Here are ten amazing reasons to bring home a dog today:
Published: Friday, March 10th, 2023 @ 12:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to inside sources, comedian Jimmy Kimmel is currently running tonight's Jimmy Kimmel Live! jokes by CCP President Xi for approval, as is his daily custom.
Published: Wednesday, March 8th, 2023 @ 12:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Lenten season is upon us! Across America, people are giving things up for the next 40 days in preparation for Easter. Check out what the most common choice was for every state:
Published: Sunday, February 26th, 2023 @ 8:55 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Despite recent hardship, the quaint village of East Palestine has seen a surge in real estate sales as embittered Californians seek refuge in a state promising a better quality of life.
Published: Monday, February 20th, 2023 @ 1:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Japanese "Queen of Tidy" Marie Kondo has announced a brand new Netflix series following the birth of her third child.
Published: Saturday, February 11th, 2023 @ 3:46 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A new drop in “The Twitter Files” series Friday afternoon shows that federal law enforcement officials were working in close contact with employees at Twitter to censor content.
Published: Wednesday, December 28th, 2022 @ 3:43 pm
By: Daily Wire
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According to sources, local parents Josh and Madelyn Bledge are sitting on their back porch relishing the crisp fall air and looking on lovingly as their kids frolic in a pile of autumn leaves and dog poop.
Published: Sunday, November 6th, 2022 @ 11:49 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The clown emoji 🤡 held a press conference Monday with the express purpose of distancing itself from Democrats who, according to the clown emoji, have caused significant harm to its brand and livelihood.
Published: Tuesday, October 4th, 2022 @ 10:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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