So-Called Man Posts Facebook Story | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    JESUP, GA     This news outlet has received multiple reports that Keith Vance, a so-called man, actually posted a Facebook story, even though everyone knows Facebook stories are clearly for girls and real men steer clear of such sissy nonsense.

    "I was with Keith this weekend, felling trees, digging holes, and cliff jumping," said genuine man, Dirk Gutson, while sharpening his 12-inch, wood-handled kukri knife. "Then after accidentally checking Facebook for the first time in, say, seven years, I saw that Keith had posted a bunch of 'Stories' about our weekend, with emojis and music. Garbage."

    Gutson and other gruff friends of Keith expressed concern over obvious insecurities that led him to take such ridiculous actions as fishing for Likes. Ralph Watt, a long-time friend and proud owner of only flannel shirts, was aghast at seeing photos Keith had posted of their evening rolling cigars and using a homemade smelter to smith custom spittoons.

    "It was a night for men to be men and nothing more," said Watt, soberly.

    At publishing time, Keith Vance's friends had staged an intervention and forced him to restore a Ducati 900 CR motorcycle without taking a single photo.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Man Confers With Wife Over Name Of Person They Met 15 Seconds Ago Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Study Confirms Everyone At Gym Is Watching You And Criticizing Your Form And Making Fun Of Those 10-Pound Dumbbells


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

A resident doctor who was training in family medicine not only had an alleged huge cache of child porn, but he also allegedly recorded children as young as 6 years old using a camera hidden in a bracelet as he examined them.
Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, expressed great pride that he was able to bring Christianity to the Anglo-Saxons so their descendants could commemorate it each year
A lead Republican investigator now claims several members of the Biden family are involved in shady business ventures abroad, sharing in the past 24 hours a larger headcount than previously known.
The State has a right and duty to protect young children from these abominations
If Donald Trump were to be indicted for having a tawdry tryst with a trollop, he should probably plead guilty post haste. But the case brought against him by the Manhattan district attorney’s office is not about whether or not he cheated on his wife with porn actress Stormy Daniels
Local leprechaun, pot o' gold enthusiast, and all-around jokester Leery O'Canahan had been excited for St. Patrick's Day for months. "It's like our Super Bowl," O'Canahan told reporters. "Without the weird halftime shows."
Here we see the seeds of disunity in the local GOP and why it is there
also provides for reporting any attempt to "transition" a child

HbAD1

as State Treasurer, Folwell has proven he is an effective conservative
Executives at investment bank Credit Suisse accepted a lifeline from Swiss authorities on Wednesday as concerns of a worldwide financial crisis loom.
Michael Peterson, better known by his fighting name Charles Bronson and Britain’s most notorious prisoner, is up for parole.
Local man Edgar Ramirez had finally had enough of feeling terrible all the time from doing nothing but lying around all day or sitting on the computer - so he finally decided to take up running every day, so that he could feel a different kind of terrible all the time.
Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis launched a new initiative with 18 other states on Thursday to fight back against President Joe Biden’s woke environmental, social, corporate governance (ESG) agenda.
By approving its own version of a noted free-expression statement, the liberal-arts institution takes a major step in the right direction.
The Biden administration demanded that ByteDance, the Chinese technology firm which controls social media platform TikTok, sell the vertical video application or face a possible ban in the United States.
History was made last night, as a human being laughed at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert for the first time since the show began its run in September 2018. To accomplish this feat, Colbert brought in a ringer — Vice President Kamala Harris.
Border Patrol Chief Raul Ortiz testified to Congress on Wednesday that the Department of Homeland Security does not have operational control of the U.S. southern border under President Joe Biden, a claim that is directly at odds with a statement from DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.

HbAD2

The John Locke Foundation is proud to announce the recent hiring of Kelly Lester and Kaitlyn Shepherd to its research department.
The Department of Defense released video footage Thursday morning of the incident in which two Russian fighter jets harassed a U.S. military drone over international waters — leading to a collision and the complete loss of the drone.
Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin’s administration has demanded that a liberal school system cut ties with allegedly Chinese Communist Party-linked groups, according to a letter obtained by The Daily Wire.
The N.C. Court of Appeals has affirmed a lower court ruling allowing for a new motocross training center in rural Davidson County.
A federal tech agency recently caught risking the nation’s cybersecurity by violating rules and lying in the name of “equity” is dominated by a cabal of perpetually triggered leftists obsessed with politics and pronouns, a Daily Wire investigation shows.
For more than a decade we’ve studied the problem exhaustively, we’ve talked about it almost incessantly, we’ve engaged the latest curriculum du jour, and have spent more than $50 million dollars, yet we still can’t solve the mystery of our children’s reading proficiency.
The number of January 6 prosecutions could double if a newly revealed prediction by the Justice Department comes true.
California residents reported growing concern over the fate of their state after a wide variety of animals were seen going in pairs toward a large wooden boat.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top