Man Declines To Join Accountability Group So As Not To Discourage Everyone With His Perfect Righteousness | Eastern North Carolina Now

Local man Samuel Higgins declined an invitation to join a men's accountability group today, not wanting to embarrass the other men with his complete and total righteousness.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    EDMOND, OK     Local man Samuel Higgins declined an invitation to join a men's accountability group today, not wanting to embarrass the other men with his complete and total righteousness.

    "I just don't want to make people feel bad with my holiness," said Mr. Higgins. "For everyone else's sake, I think I'll pass."

    While seeing the value of accountability groups for fallen people mired in sin, Mr. Higgins felt his presence would only add to their shame. "My perfection would just make the blackness of other people's souls even more apparent," said Mr. Higgins. "Black looks even blacker when you put it next to dazzling, pure white. It would just be so discouraging for everyone else."

    John Peters, who had extended the invitation to Mr. Higgins, admitted feeling quite silly afterwards. "I had no idea Sam was perfect in righteousness," said Mr. Peters. "Obviously, if you've already attained the beatific vision, our accountability group probably isn't a great fit. My mistake."
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




10 Items That Will Definitely Get Your Kid Suspended From School Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 9 Rejected Lines From Song Of Solomon


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Standards for DACA, championed by President Joe Biden, were set so low
If you want to show how NOT to build a school there is no better example than this new Eastern Elementary School being planned in secret.
A rule that compels speech and engages in such viewpoint discrimination is impermissible
Tucker Carlson, Fox News Channel’s biggest prime time star, has left the cable news giant.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis made his first trip overseas since 2019 this week, meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida in Tokyo on Monday to discuss economic matters as the 44-year-old gears up for a likely presidential campaign.
Judge has ruled that her case can proceed on charges of civil conspiracy and fraud
now Democrat candidate in Texas and faked hate creime against GOP opponent

HbAD1

President Joe Biden delivered remarks on Tuesday at gun control advocacy group Everytown’s annual conference, Gun Sense University — and as is often the case when Biden speaks about guns, critics were quick to point out a series of factual errors.
illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
12% spike in heart-related deaths from eating plant-based fake meat
Reform leader Nigel Farage says his party will be new voice of conservatism in UK
lower courts can deport illegal aliens who miss their hearings
Not a dime's worth of difference between D's and R's in the GA leadership

HbAD2

Democrat strategist James Carville raged against the legacy media this week, demanding that they take an even more biased approach when reporting on former President Donald Trump.
Dominion Voting Systems to incorrectly calculate vote totals
Stopping its attempt to rewrite Title IX to force Texas schools to adopt radical “transgender” policies
Republican congressman Byron Donalds said it would be a “great honor” if former President Donald Trump were to ask him to be his running-mate for 2024, saying the ultimate goal is for Trump to win and he’ll do whatever he’s asked to help him do that.

HbAD3

weaponized political FBI needs major reform or replacement
2019, 40 Democrats signed a letter saying they condemned the Nazi Azov Battalion in Ukraine
Voters in Arizona will have the opportunity to enact broad border security measures in November as the state faces a flood of illegal immigration after the Republican-led state legislature passed a resolution that will put the measures on the general election ballot.
51 ex-spies lies to the American people threw the 2020 election
The former White House physician for Presidents Barack Obama and Donald Trump says that a new report this week about how President Joe Biden is struggling to function behind closed doors represents a serious threat to the U.S.
The Tikva Forum for Families of Hostages, an Israeli group created to represent the families of those taken during Hamas’ October 7 terrorist attack, urged President Joe Biden to stop interfering with Israel’s campaign to destroy the terrorist group.
how the Democrats set up the January 6 riot at the Capitol

HbAD4

 
Back to Top