9 Rejected Lines From Song Of Solomon | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    The Song of Songs is chock-full of memorable love lines (fawns, anyone?) -- but not all of Solomon's romantic poetry was included in the final cut. Here are nine rejected lines that didn't quite make the grade:

1. Your legs are like a pod of whales - Such a beautiful image.
2. Your hips are wide as the Red Sea, perfect for child-bearing - Aww!
3. The rouge of your cheeks is like the deep red of the blood that flowed from 600 Philistines as Shamgar slew them with an ox goad - Would have made his lady blush, for sure.
4. Your breasts....mmmm. I forgot what I was saying - Solomon had such a way with words.
5. Your thighs are like thunder, striking the plains of Israel - Hubba-hubba.
6. You're so hot, if we were traveling through a foreign land I'd pretend you were my sister - High praise.
7. Your hands are builders of sandwiches, ones that are almost as good as my mom's - Oof.
8. Your neck is like a tower, and your Adam's apple...hey, wait a minute! - Solomon became a little wiser that day.
9. Yes I love my concubines, but not as much as you, my wife ---But I still love my concubines. Always and forever, always and forever - brings a tear to your eyes!

    Some tough edits, but these nine had to go! Wise choices, King Solomon.