Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

Board room Demons erupted with thunderous applause and praise for their CEO Satan as he pitched another sinister idea of rebranding the dated term "child sacrifice" with "abortion."
Board room Demons erupted with thunderous applause and praise for their CEO Satan as he pitched another sinister idea of rebranding the dated term "child sacrifice" with "abortion."
 
As a special public service for his fellow citizens, a local man has taken it upon himself to crank his car stereo as loud as possible at stoplights so that everyone within a three-mile radius can hear every nuance of his refined musical tastes.
As a special public service for his fellow citizens, a local man has taken it upon himself to crank his car stereo as loud as possible at stoplights so that everyone within a three-mile radius can hear every nuance of his refined musical tastes.
 
This week, California Pastor John MacArthur wrote an open letter reprimanding California Governor Gavin Newsom after the governor took out billboards across the country promoting abortion services using quotes from Jesus.
This week, California Pastor John MacArthur wrote an open letter reprimanding California Governor Gavin Newsom after the governor took out billboards across the country promoting abortion services using quotes from Jesus.
 
Following the destruction caused by Hurricane Ian, Governor Ron DeSantis has issued a stark warning against all would-be looters hoping to pillage the vulnerable state.
Following the destruction caused by Hurricane Ian, Governor Ron DeSantis has issued a stark warning against all would-be looters hoping to pillage the vulnerable state.
 
With the success of Matt Walsh and the newly-bearded Ben Shapiro, pressure is mounting at The Daily Wire headquarters for popular conservative commentator Candace Owens to grow a beard of her own.
With the success of Matt Walsh and the newly-bearded Ben Shapiro, pressure is mounting at The Daily Wire headquarters for popular conservative commentator Candace Owens to grow a beard of her own.
 
We are SO thankful that Hollywood has finally stopped their bigotry and made a few movies with LGBTQ+ representation.
We are SO thankful that Hollywood has finally stopped their bigotry and made a few movies with LGBTQ+ representation.
 
We have witnessed many beautiful sights in our day, but nothing - not even the births of our own children - can compare to the GOREGOUSNESS that was Lizzo twerking in Abraham Lincoln's top hat.
We have witnessed many beautiful sights in our day, but nothing - not even the births of our own children - can compare to the GOREGOUSNESS that was Lizzo twerking in Abraham Lincoln's top hat.
 
Lakewood Church Pastor Joel Osteen has begun selling his own unique brand of table salt, which is completely devoid of any and all saltiness.
Lakewood Church Pastor Joel Osteen has begun selling his own unique brand of table salt, which is completely devoid of any and all saltiness.
 
Former President Trump has announced "Corn Kid" will officially be his selection for Secretary of Agriculture upon re-election.
Former President Trump has announced "Corn Kid" will officially be his selection for Secretary of Agriculture upon re-election.
 
Proud air fryer owner Connie Simpson went a record seven minutes today without telling anyone that she owns an air fryer.
Proud air fryer owner Connie Simpson went a record seven minutes today without telling anyone that she owns an air fryer.
 
Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer's life in the drive-thru:
Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer's life in the drive-thru:
 
A few days ago, President Joe Biden moseyed away from his podium while speaking to a group of FEMA workers.
A few days ago, President Joe Biden moseyed away from his podium while speaking to a group of FEMA workers.
 
As Ukrainian officials prepared to submit their request to join NATO, President Volodymyr Zelensky planned to use one of the most powerful secret weapons at his disposal — his Hollywood connections — and ask Ben Stiller if he could put the actor down as a reference on the application.
As Ukrainian officials prepared to submit their request to join NATO, President Volodymyr Zelensky planned to use one of the most powerful secret weapons at his disposal — his Hollywood connections — and ask Ben Stiller if he could put the actor down as a reference on the application.
 
After filming only 8 episodes of The Rings of Power, Amazon has exhausted the entire $1 billion budget allotted for the production of the show. Initial reports indicate that most of the money was spent on special effects to make it look like a woman can hold a sword.
After filming only 8 episodes of The Rings of Power, Amazon has exhausted the entire $1 billion budget allotted for the production of the show. Initial reports indicate that most of the money was spent on special effects to make it look like a woman can hold a sword.
 
In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies.
In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies.
 
In preparation for Halloween, White House staffers have spent days adorning the premises with frightening decorations. One prop stands out above the rest: a spooky, lifelike old zombie that wanders the halls, drooling and moaning.
In preparation for Halloween, White House staffers have spent days adorning the premises with frightening decorations. One prop stands out above the rest: a spooky, lifelike old zombie that wanders the halls, drooling and moaning.
 
A fascinating new study has revealed that the vast majority of people, when presented with a blind taste test, can't tell the difference between candy corn and a dusty, old orange crayon we found in a junk drawer.
A fascinating new study has revealed that the vast majority of people, when presented with a blind taste test, can't tell the difference between candy corn and a dusty, old orange crayon we found in a junk drawer.
 
The Army's first transgender officer Major Anna Gabrielian has been charged with conspiring to give secret information to Russia to aid them in their attack on Ukraine.
The Army's first transgender officer Major Anna Gabrielian has been charged with conspiring to give secret information to Russia to aid them in their attack on Ukraine.
 
In the nick of time, Congress has passed a bipartisan $12 billion funding bill, narrowly avoiding a Ukrainian government shutdown.
In the nick of time, Congress has passed a bipartisan $12 billion funding bill, narrowly avoiding a Ukrainian government shutdown.
 
As the midterm elections approach, cynical Republicans are pouncing on Biden for being one of the worst presidents ever.
As the midterm elections approach, cynical Republicans are pouncing on Biden for being one of the worst presidents ever.
 
A few weeks ago, Instagram banned Pornhub's account amid mounting evidence of nonconsensual sexual exploitative material on the account.
A few weeks ago, Instagram banned Pornhub's account amid mounting evidence of nonconsensual sexual exploitative material on the account.
 
As emergency crews worked tirelessly to rescue Floridians with the sense to stay out of Georgia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was seen on a rescue boat, paddling door to door and asking for donations to support the war effort against Russia.
As emergency crews worked tirelessly to rescue Floridians with the sense to stay out of Georgia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was seen on a rescue boat, paddling door to door and asking for donations to support the war effort against Russia.
 
After musical artist and professional twerker Lizzo made waves by playing James Madison's crystal flute on stage, Beyoncé upped the ante by performing in Times Square wearing George Washington's false teeth.
After musical artist and professional twerker Lizzo made waves by playing James Madison's crystal flute on stage, Beyoncé upped the ante by performing in Times Square wearing George Washington's false teeth.
 
According to reports, a concert venue of 750 saw record amounts of strained, polite smiles and lackluster cheers as a band that has been popular for 23 years played a shocking 9 songs of new material before getting to the hits and deep tracks that they actually wanted to hear.
According to reports, a concert venue of 750 saw record amounts of strained, polite smiles and lackluster cheers as a band that has been popular for 23 years played a shocking 9 songs of new material before getting to the hits and deep tracks that they actually wanted to hear.
 
As Hurricane Ian made landfall in Florida, Biden held a press conference to criticize the hurricane naming system and vow that the next major storm will be named after a woman of color.
As Hurricane Ian made landfall in Florida, Biden held a press conference to criticize the hurricane naming system and vow that the next major storm will be named after a woman of color.
 
Everyone knows the biggest sign of a spiritually healthy church is the number of 5-star Yelp reviews you have, but oh no! Your church has a 2-star average rating!
Everyone knows the biggest sign of a spiritually healthy church is the number of 5-star Yelp reviews you have, but oh no! Your church has a 2-star average rating!
 
In the wake of Italy electing Giorgia Meloni as Prime Minister, millions of Americans have gotten their hopes up that she might also become the President of the United States.
In the wake of Italy electing Giorgia Meloni as Prime Minister, millions of Americans have gotten their hopes up that she might also become the President of the United States.
 
Date night for Madilynn and Murphy McMickerson started off just like every other date night when Madilynn told the server she would just have a light salad followed by her husband's entire entree.
Date night for Madilynn and Murphy McMickerson started off just like every other date night when Madilynn told the server she would just have a light salad followed by her husband's entire entree.
 
Authorities are warning that the destructive power of Hurricane Ian is so severe that it could cause Florida to experience water and power shortage almost as bad as they have in California.
Authorities are warning that the destructive power of Hurricane Ian is so severe that it could cause Florida to experience water and power shortage almost as bad as they have in California.
 
Local cashier Dan Johnson couldn't help but worry that the woman who just checked out with dozens of key fob tags might be cheating on him with other grocery stores.
Local cashier Dan Johnson couldn't help but worry that the woman who just checked out with dozens of key fob tags might be cheating on him with other grocery stores.
 
Yes, college is expensive and will saddle you with crushing debt in exchange for no useful life skills, but it's worth it, because it will make you smart.
Yes, college is expensive and will saddle you with crushing debt in exchange for no useful life skills, but it's worth it, because it will make you smart.
 
Local man Terrence Bilkerson successfully transitioned into a woman recently after taking his wife's multivitamin. The transition occurred instantly after he grabbed the wrong bottle of vitamins
Local man Terrence Bilkerson successfully transitioned into a woman recently after taking his wife's multivitamin. The transition occurred instantly after he grabbed the wrong bottle of vitamins
 
NASA's DART mission ended in disaster today as one of their female space drivers crashed a spacecraft directly into an oncoming asteroid. To save face, NASA is now claiming the collision was completely on purpose.
NASA's DART mission ended in disaster today as one of their female space drivers crashed a spacecraft directly into an oncoming asteroid. To save face, NASA is now claiming the collision was completely on purpose.
 
Do you think you're just a quiet, patriotic conservative with good old-fashioned family values? Oh no! You may be a dangerous fascist!
Do you think you're just a quiet, patriotic conservative with good old-fashioned family values? Oh no! You may be a dangerous fascist!
 
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