Disney executives announced an upcoming installment in the popular Star Wars franchise that will feature a female Jedi who mysteriously turns to the Dark Side at the same time every month.
Published: Thursday, April 4th, 2024 @ 6:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
Published: Tuesday, March 26th, 2024 @ 12:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
"I was being hunted down from everything I posted to every post I liked…”
Published: Monday, February 12th, 2024 @ 9:35 am
By: Daily Wire
|
With Disney's latest animated film Wish bombing at the box office, the House of Mouse is looking for anything that can be done to correct its box office nosedive this year. Long regarded as an invincible creative force, Disney has all hands on deck to solve the problem.
Published: Sunday, February 4th, 2024 @ 2:59 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
After years of training to be a pilot for the Rebel Alliance, eager young pilot Nej Berik was devastated to discover he had been assigned to fly the totally lame B-wing fighter.
Published: Thursday, January 18th, 2024 @ 6:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
DENTWOOD, IA — Sources at the Mannfred household confirmed Monday that 35-year-old Kurt Mannfred's stack of Christmas gifts was "virtually indistinguishable" from the sort of presents that would have been given to a 9-year-old boy.
Published: Thursday, January 18th, 2024 @ 1:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
It's November! That means it's almost December, which means it's almost 2024, which means it'll eventually be election time.
Published: Wednesday, January 17th, 2024 @ 3:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
The Reese's cups have all been eaten and another Halloween is in the books — meaning it's time for The Babylon Bee's roundup of the scariest costumes we saw in 2023! Read on -- if you dare:
Published: Tuesday, December 26th, 2023 @ 5:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Capitalists and communists have been at each other's throats for years — but why? Aren't they, deep down, all just the same? To find out, we recruited a team of expert political scientists to explain the key differences between these two ideologies so we can feel smarter.
Published: Friday, December 15th, 2023 @ 10:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
According to sources, a local couple has settled in for a romantic evening of sitting down next to each other and sending memes back and forth.
Published: Tuesday, December 12th, 2023 @ 12:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Everything's more expensive in this economy, including toilet paper! If you're looking to save some money on pricey bathroom tissue, here are a few equally viable alternatives for wiping your posterior.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 6:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Let's face it, guys, decorating isn't as simple as it sounds. You want your house or apartment to look legit, not like some uncultured goof lives there. And you know you can't ask a girl for advice, since girls don't know anything about proper decorating.
Published: Thursday, November 2nd, 2023 @ 12:59 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. sent his private jet with aid to Israel following the unprovoked terrorist attacks on Saturday from Hamas that killed more than a thousand women, men and children.
Published: Monday, October 23rd, 2023 @ 7:13 pm
By: Daily Wire
|
Neuralink founder Elon Musk said he hopes implanting wireless brain-computer chips in humans will play a role in the existential risk of population reduction posed by artificial intelligence.
Published: Thursday, October 12th, 2023 @ 8:48 am
By: Daily Wire
|
The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan series if their demands are not met.
Published: Saturday, October 7th, 2023 @ 10:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly recruited the recently retired athlete to train its stormtroopers to shoot.
Published: Friday, October 6th, 2023 @ 10:38 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 11:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Emperor Palpatine was said to be very pleased with the latest ballistics report on stormtrooper marksmanship, as the Imperial Army's collective accuracy percentage improved dramatically after adding pistol braces to all blasters.
Published: Friday, September 8th, 2023 @ 8:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Following the release of the latest chapter in the Indiana Jones series, Hollywood producers worry they're running out of cherished classic movie heroes to turn into sad, pathetic, old failures.
Published: Tuesday, August 15th, 2023 @ 9:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
The Galactic Empire announced new merchandise today, with the Emperor releasing a special hat saying "But his Death Star".
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 10:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Local gangster Jabba the Hutt has threatened legal action against United Airlines, accusing the company of discrimination after he was charged for multiple seats on a flight. Hutt alleges he is being treated differently because of his weight.
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 1:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Let's face it, getting good sleep can be tough these days! From the busyness of parenting fussy children to the stress of the day's news, there's always something keeping you awake.
Published: Monday, July 17th, 2023 @ 5:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Hollywood great Al Pacino opened up about the movie role he said he regrets not doing as he jokingly took a dig at Harrison Ford — who he said has never thanked him for landing the part in “Star Wars” that would launch his career.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 10:54 pm
By: Daily Wire
|
After a whirlwind of controversy — in which Twitter promised to promote, then vowed to censor, The Daily Wire’s documentary “What is a Woman?” — the film finally began streaming in full, free of charge, on the social media platform on Friday and will continue to do so throughout the weekend.
Published: Saturday, June 10th, 2023 @ 7:03 pm
By: Daily Wire
|
Appearing before the Senate beneath a mysterious, hooded robe, California Senator Diane Feinstein addressed the hushed audience, speaking in a gravelly, Sidious-like voice.
Published: Friday, June 9th, 2023 @ 12:20 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Disney World announced it is shutting down an immersive Star Wars luxury hotel that opened in March 2022.
Published: Monday, June 5th, 2023 @ 7:26 am
By: Daily Wire
|
A local father determined the time had come to sit his young son down and officially have "The Talk"...about the Star Wars sequel trilogy. The man reportedly knew he couldn't avoid it any longer once the boy began to talk about how great The Last Jedi was.
Published: Sunday, June 4th, 2023 @ 4:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn't simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 7:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
In a bid to draw large corporate interests to conduct business in South Carolina and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the state, former governor and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley has informed Emperor Palpatine that South Carolina is the ideal location to build a new Death Star.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 10:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
A local boy was confronted with a cold reality today after realizing he's far too intelligent to ever be President of the United States when he grows up.
Published: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023 @ 4:20 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
While at his first job interview with a prospective employer Thursday, local man Justin Rasberger was crestfallen to learn that "quoting Monty Python" does not count as relevant job experience, and in fact is not currently considered a "marketable skill" among employers.
Published: Thursday, March 23rd, 2023 @ 10:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
Disney CEO Bob Iger admitted Thursday that the company has charged consumers exorbitant prices at the entertainment giant’s theme parks.
Published: Sunday, March 19th, 2023 @ 9:46 am
By: Daily Wire
|
According to sources, President Biden's team is planning to submerge the President in a bacta tank tonight so his mind and body will be prepared for his upcoming State of the Union address.
Published: Saturday, February 11th, 2023 @ 2:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
President Ronald Reagan’s son Michael has revealed that when Joe Biden was a senator during Reagan’s terms as president, he warned him that he would leak any covert action Reagan had planned.
Published: Friday, February 3rd, 2023 @ 5:18 am
By: Daily Wire
|