Newly Hired Restaurant Hostess Receives Ceremonial Nose Ring | Eastern North Carolina Now | An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PORTLAND, OR     An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.

    Kismet Lang, the new hostess, and aspiring slam poet barista dancer felt deeply honored to complete this ancient rite of passage. "I've dreamed of this moment for so long," Lang said tearfully, though it wasn't known if the tears were joy or a result of having a needle shoved through her nostril. "Ever since last week when I decided to apply for this job, I've wanted to get my nose ring. You're not really a true restaurant hostess until you do."

    Lang's coworkers at the Prickly Thistle erupted into thunderous applause as manager Bo Schmeeble did the honors of piercing her nose. "Having this nose ring will clearly identify you as a restaurant hostess from this day forward," Schmeeble said proudly. "As a side note, you should be prepared for strangers walking up to you in public and asking for menus from now on."

    Lang expressed great pride in her new adornment. "I really feel like I'm qualified to have people follow me from the front of the restaurant to their tables now," she said with the distracting piece of jewelry jutting out of her nose. "Someday, if I fulfill my dream of being a slam poet barista dancer, I can look forward to my mandatory tattoo sleeves and androgynous hairstyle. I can't wait!"

    At publishing time, Schmeeble was already sending Lang on her path toward seriously regretting her life decision by scheduling her for two double shifts over the weekend.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Paul Pelosi Claims Intruder Shouted 'This Is Maga Country' While Throwing Hammers At Him Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 7 Ways Drag Shows Are Actually Good For Kids


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Netherlands is world's second largest exporter of food by value
A new poll shows that Republican voters put Florida Governor Ron DeSantis at the top of deep list of politicians they want to see influence the party’s direction.
Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk announced a blanket amnesty for Twitter users permanently suspended from the platform.
With rising interest rates, experts expect the U.K. to remain in a recession into 2024
CNN host Alisyn Camerota and a guest on the network struggled with the gender non-conforming identity of the Colorado “Club Q” shooting suspect.
U.S. State Department officials defended themselves Sunday after awarding Ecuador a grant of over $20,000 for a cultural center to host drag shows for LGBTQ communities in the South American country.
The N.C. Home Builders Association is sharing its concerns about a recent court ruling against an Ashe County asphalt plant.

HbAD1

says schools are for education, not indoctrination
Former Trump administration economic adviser Larry Kudlow blasted President Joe Biden, accusing him of lying about the state of the economy.
President Joe Biden announced his intention to push for new gun control legislation in the lame-duck session of Congress.
Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
Two NBA players were ejected from a game over the weekend after they engaged in a fight that ended up in the stands.
When I was a tenth grade student, I had the good fortune to have an English teacher named MS. Comer.
While Arizona’s handling of the midterm election has been the focus of media outlets and pundits for some time, California still has more than 250,000 uncounted ballots across the state.
At least two counties in Arizona have confirmed that their certification of the 2022 election will be delayed as the state’s attorney general’s office wrote a letter claiming there’s evidence of “statutory violations” that occurred in Maricopa County on Election Day.

HbAD2

In a shocking statement to police, Paul Pelosi claimed that he was assaulted by a man who threw hammers at him while shouting, "THIS IS MAGA COUNTRY!"
New Hampshire Republican Governor Chris Sununu traded barbs with NBC News’s Chuck Todd over what voters should prioritize this election cycle.
The Biden administration began notifying Americans who applied for student loan forgiveness on Saturday that their requests had been greenlit, even as the controversial policy continues to move through the federal court system.
Thirteen billion people have already died horrible deaths mere hours after former President Donald Trump was reinstated to Twitter.
Even as health officials warn of a coming winter spike in COVID cases and the federal government urges millions of Americans to get a third booster, worry over the virus has dropped to just 28%, according to a new poll.
While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.
Conservative commentators like Meghan McCain, Clay Travis, and others dragged CBS News for taking a “victory lap” on the authenticity of Hunter Biden’s laptop years after most outlets had already confirmed it was real.
Sheetz offering lower prices on unleaded 88 gas until November 28 as a benefit to those in need

HbAD3

 
Back to Top