Report: Some People Are Still Atheists Even Though Breakfast Burritos Exist | Eastern North Carolina Now | A shocking report has revealed that there are still people clinging to atheism in spite of the well-documented existence of breakfast burritos.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     A shocking report has revealed that there are still people clinging to atheism in spite of the well-documented existence of breakfast burritos.

    "How could a rational being possibly deny the existence of a loving God after taking a bite of an egg and chorizo burrito?" questioned famed Christian philosopher Alvin Plantinga as he poured on the salsa. "The evidence is simply overwhelming."

    While theologians and philosophers have long sought to logically prove God's existence, the advent of the breakfast burrito has now rendered all previous argumentation moot. "I wasted decades defending the 'Five Ways' of Thomas Aquinas to prove God's existence, when all along the answer was wrapped up in a warm tortilla," said Plantinga. "The ontological argument simply cannot hold a candle to holding the essence of goodness in your hands, all wrapped in foil."

    Incredibly, a small subsection of humanity continues to maintain atheist beliefs in the face of staggering evidence to the contrary. "We suspect these poor souls have simply never had a good breakfast burrito," said evangelist Ray Comfort. "Which explains why there are a lot more atheists up in the northern states - and even more in Canada. The harvest is plentiful, but those who would open a breakfast burrito stand in Canada are few!"

    At publishing time, thousands of Canadians had reportedly converted to Christianity after Mr. Comfort completed a 24-hour drive to bring Texas-made breakfast burritos across the northern border.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




In Phenomenal Two-For-One Deal, Elon Musk Now Owns Both Twitter And AOC Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 'The View' Will Now Just Be One Hour Of Hosts Beating White Women With Sticks


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

We trust our readers to make their own conclusions. We'd love to hear what you think
A spokesman for Santa's Workshop today announced the organization's latest advance in their ongoing efforts to determine who's naughty and who's nice
demands federal government pays it to all, costing billions
Vice President Kamala Harris is spearheading a White House initiative to electrify the nation’s school buses, the administration announced Wednesday.
politization of leadership is biggest public concern
Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Monday that he will soon be releasing files on how the social media platform has engaged in suppressing free speech.
In the age of wokeness, ideological (re)education trumps mission-preparedness.
A new book alleges that after Ted Kennedy left his car and his passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, in a pond off of Chappaquiddick Island, where Kopechne drowned, he returned to the party they had attended and told his close friends he wanted to say Kopechne was driving the car.
Hawaii’s largest active volcano began erupting Sunday night, with lava flow warnings issued to the surrounding area.

HbAD1

Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.
A wave of Twitter users began impersonating government officials and major corporations after Elon Musk introduced a new scheme for verifying users on the platform.
In a dramatic ruling issued just days before midterm elections, the North Carolina Supreme Court upheld a lower court’s ruling and ordered the transfer of millions of dollars to pay for a school improvement plan designed to ensure North Carolina’s school children receive a sound basic education
Chest reconstruction surgeries performed on minors across the United States increased by approximately 400% during a three-year span, according to a new report.
bill would subsidize MSM, leave out conservative media
Christine McVie, the English singer-songwriter who helped launch the rock band Fleetwood Mac into international fame, has died. She was 79.
Research suggests that certain octopuses deliberately throw objects like silt, sand, and shells at other octopuses.
Balenciaga is facing a wave of online criticism after a MyPillow pillow was spotted in the background of one of the company's photo shoots for its winter collection. The CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell is known for his strong support of Donald Trump.

HbAD2

Charges against the CEO of an election technology company have been dismissed after Los Angeles County prosecutors found “potential bias” in an investigation.
Twitter CEO Musk promises, 'Twitter 2.0 will be far more effective, transparent and even-handed'
Actor Ralph Fiennes made it clear that he stood with “Harry Potter” creator J.K. Rowling, decrying the verbal abuse directed at her in recent months as “appalling” and “disgusting.”
Until the last weeks of the election, polls consistently showed Republican U.S. Rep. Ted Budd and Democrat former state Supreme Court Chief Justice Cheri Beasley in a dead heat for North Carolina’s open U.S. Senate seat
Twitter employees circulated a list of demands on Monday, calling on billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk to address their concerns when he completes his purchase of the social media platform.
According to sources, thousands of right-wing, anti-science extremists have converged in Shanghai to protest Chinese President Xi's common sense COVID restrictions.
A video of a young Meta employee enjoying company perks and not appearing to do much work has gone viral and drawn online mockery just as company founder Mark Zuckerberg faces pressure from investors to cut headcount.
Not talking reindeer games here. Talking about the political gamesmanship already beginning in the congress.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top