Study Finds Only 0.01% Of Trail Mix Actually Consumed While On A Trail | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    CHATTANOOGA, TN     Surprising results from a recent study have conclusively shown that just 0.01% of all trail mix is actually eaten by people while they are on a trail. Researchers were eager to learn more about the demographics of the people consuming the trail mix and the activities they participate in while doing so.

    "We always suspected that the name 'trail mix' was somewhat misleading," said Dr. Sean Kellar, the lead scientist working on the study. "With such a small percentage of consumers eating it while walking along a trail, we really needed to dig deeper and learn more."

    It is currently hypothesized that the substance referred to as "trail mix" was originally created by accident after the mother of a Boy Scout was preparing snacks for her son's troop meeting, with different snack items spilling on the floor and intermingling. "She apparently just scooped it all up without sorting it, put it in bags, and that was the beginning," said Dr. Kellar. "It makes sense. I mean, how else would these seemingly completely unrelated food items become mixed together? Nuts, raisins, and M&Ms? Someone would have to be a psychopath to do it on purpose, quite frankly."

    Though trail mix is rarely eaten on trails, the study found that it is a mainstay at church Christmas parties. However, there is ongoing suspicion that it's just the same bowl of trail mix every year that goes uneaten.

    At publishing time, the research team had already moved on to studying the origins of that weird marshmallow jello salad found at church luncheons.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

8-Year-Old Going To Bed Asks For A Glass Of Water And Also How God Is Still Good When Terrible Things Happen In The World Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Church Of Christ Song Leader Nails Pitch Pipe Solo


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen testified before the U.S. Senate today regarding the state of the banking system. She tried to reassure lawmakers and the public that there’s no cause for concern.
Man, so nice to get outside after a long day at work. Maybe I'll go grab a burger. Can't wait until — wait, what's that noise? It's coming from the sky. It's like a humming…a thumping. Is it an airplane? No, it's not an airplane. It's…NO WAY!
GSA’s Chief Information Officer Led 'Out Of Line' ‘Most Partisan Meeting’ After Trump Win
Netflix recently canceled a children’s animated show featuring a non-binary bison who insists on using they/them pronouns.
At a Charlotte City Council meeting held on Feb. 27, an unusual turn of events occurred, as a routine measure to approve an ammunition purchase for the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department (CMPD) nearly did not pass. casts a light on what is happening at ECU. More to come.
McCarthy unable to get votes to go around RINO Tony Gonzales
mandatory course pushes "reproductive justice and transgender liberation"


this is not the first school shooting by someone with radical gender ideology
A Palestinian school for girls that is funded by the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) glorified a Palestinian terrorist who murdered seven Jews in Jerusalem on International Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Iran-backed proxy groups fired missiles at a U.S. military base near Al-Omar oil field in Syria on Friday after the U.S. killed eight militants in retaliatory airstrikes.
Our School Board needs another breath of fresh air at the next election
Hunter Biden filed a countersuit Friday against the Delaware computer repairman, John Paul Mac Isaac, who claimed to have worked on Hunter’s personal computer way back in 2019.
On Tuesday, N.C. Senate Health Committee leaders unveiled the details of the Medicaid expansion agreement with state House leaders made last week.
Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) and Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) asserted that the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation should “reexamine” the $250,000 deposit insurance threshold on bank accounts.
To win, he must convince the Republican electorate that competence and electability are more important than charisma and force of will.


It is unclear who, exactly, goes to Democratic officials for parenting advice, considering their first inclination when hearing you are pregnant tends to be recommending abortion.
On Monday, all seven Democratic Wake County Commissioners expressed their full support for a compromise version of House Bill 99, a bill filed by Rep. Erin Paré, R-Wake.
The Department of Justice (DOJ) could indict more than 1,000 additional people on charges related to the January 6, 2021, riot at the U.S. Capitol.
Raleigh, NC – Today, state House Majority Leader John Bell (R-Wayne) filed the N.C. Farmland and Military Protection Act, House Bill 463, to prohibit China, Russia, Iran and other foreign adversaries and state-controlled entities from purchasing agricultural land
The Department of Defense (DoD) reportedly spends about $130,000 a day on border wall materials that are sitting in storage.
Here we see the seeds of disunity in the local GOP and why it is there
The Chicago Blackhawks will not take the ice for Sunday’s warm-ups wearing pride-themed jerseys, team sources told The Athletic.


Back to Top