Hell Celebrates Yet Another Year Of Perfect ESG Scores

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Under the cover of Covid, and now in the shadow of the infamous Election Irregularities of that fated 2020 presidential election, with current emerging alleged election fraud in Nevada and Pennsylvania inconveniently slipping into the public discourse, there is proved a colluded ongoing Election Interference in the nomination of the Republican candidate, the likes of which has never occurred in our Constitutional Republic's history, albeit, the question remains: Do you support the plain-sight Election Interference of the Democratic Socialist party, employing its minions in their Propagandistic Media, and their Two Tiered Justice System?

98.86% No, I do not support Election Interference; I am a patriot unto our Constitution.

1.14% Yes, I do support Election Interference; the alternative, Donald Trump, to this mentally diminished president is far worse.

0% "What, me worry" if elections are rigged?

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Hell Celebrates Yet Another Year Of Perfect ESG Scores

Published: Tuesday, July 25th, 2023 @ 8:02 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LAKE OF FIRE     Hell, known for its efficient torture practices and ultra saunas, celebrated a perfect ESG score Wednesday following a review by Bloomberg ESG Data Services. This marks the 19th year in a row Hell has achieved a perfect annual score since ESG ratings were introduced in 2004.

    "I am just swelling with pride right now," said Satan, contorting his demonic face into a human imitation of pride. "We did it, team!"

    ESG, not to be confused with E-Sports Gaming, is a measurement of the Environmental, Social, and Governance efforts undertaken by a corporation or any other place of eternal torment reserved for the damned.

    Hell representatives commended the suffering of the damned, whose spirit-world screams do not expel carbon. "Literally everything is on fire so you'd think we'd be swimming in carbon. Not so! It's easy to reach zero emissions when you're dead," noted mid-level demon Pazuzu.

    Amazon.com has reportedly begun looking to Hell for inspiration. "We need to rethink our strategy. It's not always about profits, you know? Sometimes it's about suffering," admitted Amazon CEO Andy Jassy.

    In addition to a low environmental impact, Hell excels with labor management, supply chain standards, and a diverse demonic horde. According to Satan, "Legion really helps us meet our diversity quota since he is, in fact, many. You gotta' hand it to him."

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