Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
88.64% I do not approve of behavior that has within its expressed tenants policies that harm children.
10.23% I do support the Trans Community in all its many facets because diversity is at a premium in today's society.
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

While holding a feast for his court, King Solomon reportedly became so embarrassed by loud chewing from his 48th wife, Tiffany, that he left in shame and assembled his loyal advisors to weigh the feasibility of demoting her to the role of concubine.
While holding a feast for his court, King Solomon reportedly became so embarrassed by loud chewing from his 48th wife, Tiffany, that he left in shame and assembled his loyal advisors to weigh the feasibility of demoting her to the role of concubine.
 
House Republicans have requested a congressional recess following another failed round of voting for the next Speaker of the House so they can frantically binge-watch old episodes of Schoolhouse Rock and figure out what they're supposed to be doing.
House Republicans have requested a congressional recess following another failed round of voting for the next Speaker of the House so they can frantically binge-watch old episodes of Schoolhouse Rock and figure out what they're supposed to be doing.
 
In an unexpected turn of events, congressional Republicans saw their approval ratings soar to an all-time high after bringing Congress to a grinding halt while the battle to determine the Speaker of the House dragged on.
In an unexpected turn of events, congressional Republicans saw their approval ratings soar to an all-time high after bringing Congress to a grinding halt while the battle to determine the Speaker of the House dragged on.
 
After managing to make $200 Billion disappear in a single year, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk was made an honorary member of Congress by unanimous vote.
After managing to make $200 Billion disappear in a single year, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk was made an honorary member of Congress by unanimous vote.
 
In a shocking overnight vote held by the House of Representatives, the QAnon Shaman, aka "The Buffalo Guy" has received the majority of votes required to become Speaker of the House.
In a shocking overnight vote held by the House of Representatives, the QAnon Shaman, aka "The Buffalo Guy" has received the majority of votes required to become Speaker of the House.
 
This week, 60 Minutes host Scott Pelley held a sit-down interview on the universe's ecological sustainability with a figure who has been both dismissed as a doomsdayer and celebrated as humanity's best hope for longevity on earth: Thanos.
This week, 60 Minutes host Scott Pelley held a sit-down interview on the universe's ecological sustainability with a figure who has been both dismissed as a doomsdayer and celebrated as humanity's best hope for longevity on earth: Thanos.
 
Producers of the Top Gun movie franchise today announced the historic, trail-blazing selection of the first black woman to play Tom Cruise in the forthcoming sequel.
Producers of the Top Gun movie franchise today announced the historic, trail-blazing selection of the first black woman to play Tom Cruise in the forthcoming sequel.
 
According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.
According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.
 
As the new year began and everyone's focus turned to 2023, fear gripped the country, leaving store shelves stripped bare and families shutting themselves indoors behind boarded windows as the nation braced itself for the return of Joe Biden.
As the new year began and everyone's focus turned to 2023, fear gripped the country, leaving store shelves stripped bare and families shutting themselves indoors behind boarded windows as the nation braced itself for the return of Joe Biden.
 
The new year started off optimistically for local resolution enthusiast, Carson Blenvy, who dove right into his resolve to lose 30 pounds of fat by taking a before photo to help document his future progress toward a sleek, muscular body.
The new year started off optimistically for local resolution enthusiast, Carson Blenvy, who dove right into his resolve to lose 30 pounds of fat by taking a before photo to help document his future progress toward a sleek, muscular body.
 
Today, Republicans in Congress are gathering to vote for their preferred politician who will let the voters down over the next two years.
Today, Republicans in Congress are gathering to vote for their preferred politician who will let the voters down over the next two years.
 
Hey, loser! Are you tired of being a pathetic beta male? Are you tired of striking out with women because of your pitiful soy-boy incompetence? If so, it's time to take charge of your life and be an ALPHA MALE.
Hey, loser! Are you tired of being a pathetic beta male? Are you tired of striking out with women because of your pitiful soy-boy incompetence? If so, it's time to take charge of your life and be an ALPHA MALE.
 
Third-grade teacher Ms. Gaywood (she/her) became frustrated during the first day back from the holiday break when she discovered half her students had detransitioned and were no longer identifying as made-up genders.
Third-grade teacher Ms. Gaywood (she/her) became frustrated during the first day back from the holiday break when she discovered half her students had detransitioned and were no longer identifying as made-up genders.
 
Witnesses reported seeing former U.S. Representative Adam Kinzinger sob with delight after his mom allowed him to open one Jan 6th present on Jan 6th Eve.
Witnesses reported seeing former U.S. Representative Adam Kinzinger sob with delight after his mom allowed him to open one Jan 6th present on Jan 6th Eve.
 
After years of anticipation, Democrats released the tax returns of Donald Trump, shattering Trump's dream of working as an accountant for H&R Block. Members of the House Ways and Means Committee say this proves once and for all that Trump is "guilty of something, probably."
After years of anticipation, Democrats released the tax returns of Donald Trump, shattering Trump's dream of working as an accountant for H&R Block. Members of the House Ways and Means Committee say this proves once and for all that Trump is "guilty of something, probably."
 
Now that Republicans control the House of Representatives, they are promising a round of thorough and aggressive investigations into Joe and Hunter Biden's business dealings. To lead the investigations, House Republicans have selected Lucy van Pelt.
Now that Republicans control the House of Representatives, they are promising a round of thorough and aggressive investigations into Joe and Hunter Biden's business dealings. To lead the investigations, House Republicans have selected Lucy van Pelt.
 
On the heels of a court order to remove a makeshift wall constructed from shipping containers along the southern border, a federal judge has also ordered a local child to dismantle a wall he built over the last week with his Legos.
On the heels of a court order to remove a makeshift wall constructed from shipping containers along the southern border, a federal judge has also ordered a local child to dismantle a wall he built over the last week with his Legos.
 
The Vatican has announced the passing of Pope Benedict, the last and final Catholic Pope.
The Vatican has announced the passing of Pope Benedict, the last and final Catholic Pope.
 
Less than a week after Christmas, local father Brandon Copeland decided to slip the Grinch twenty bucks to come take the drum set his son got for Christmas.
Less than a week after Christmas, local father Brandon Copeland decided to slip the Grinch twenty bucks to come take the drum set his son got for Christmas.
 
While many believe essential oils to be a modern Christian phenomenon, these potent extracts actually played a role in some of Scripture's most familiar narratives!
While many believe essential oils to be a modern Christian phenomenon, these potent extracts actually played a role in some of Scripture's most familiar narratives!
 
Sleep is a necessary and universal human activity that is essential for physical and mental well-being. However, the history of sleep and the attitudes surrounding sleep are riddled with racist beliefs, practices, and ideas.
Sleep is a necessary and universal human activity that is essential for physical and mental well-being. However, the history of sleep and the attitudes surrounding sleep are riddled with racist beliefs, practices, and ideas.
 
Golden Globe winner Danny DeVito has been tapped by producers of The Chosen to portray the character of Zacchaeus, a man known for climbing a tree to see Jesus because he was so short.
Golden Globe winner Danny DeVito has been tapped by producers of The Chosen to portray the character of Zacchaeus, a man known for climbing a tree to see Jesus because he was so short.
 
The House Ways and Means Committee today released Trump's tax documentation to the public, prompting the former president to thank the Democrats for releasing the best, most beautiful tax returns ever.
The House Ways and Means Committee today released Trump's tax documentation to the public, prompting the former president to thank the Democrats for releasing the best, most beautiful tax returns ever.
 
As you may know, our government just passed a very important and necessary omnibus spending bill to make sure all the important government activities remain funded! Whew, what a relief!
As you may know, our government just passed a very important and necessary omnibus spending bill to make sure all the important government activities remain funded! Whew, what a relief!
 
U.S. — A harsh winter storm has swept the nation, disrupting travel plans, canceling flights, and leaving thousands disappointed and stranded at the airport.
U.S. — A harsh winter storm has swept the nation, disrupting travel plans, canceling flights, and leaving thousands disappointed and stranded at the airport.
 
It's that time of year again - when the mystic oracles at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2023 be better than this year? You decide!
It's that time of year again - when the mystic oracles at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2023 be better than this year? You decide!
 
Despite a Christmas haul that included a $250 Marvel-themed "Sanctum Sanctorum" LEGO set, the long-range "NERF Ultra Pharoah Blaster" gun for $50, and an Xbox for $499, the most coveted gift among the children in the Coogan household this year was the wrapping paper tube
Despite a Christmas haul that included a $250 Marvel-themed "Sanctum Sanctorum" LEGO set, the long-range "NERF Ultra Pharoah Blaster" gun for $50, and an Xbox for $499, the most coveted gift among the children in the Coogan household this year was the wrapping paper tube
 
The Harry Reid International Airport in Las Vegas, NV led the nation in increasing security presence where thousands of bags sat unguarded following mass cancellations for Southwest Airlines.
The Harry Reid International Airport in Las Vegas, NV led the nation in increasing security presence where thousands of bags sat unguarded following mass cancellations for Southwest Airlines.
 
We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:
We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:
 
Chaos erupted Monday after Twitter went live with a surprise new feature, which CEO Elon Musk called a "late Christmas present for twits everywhere." The new feature allows users to select a "top 8 friends" to feature prominently in their profile.
Chaos erupted Monday after Twitter went live with a surprise new feature, which CEO Elon Musk called a "late Christmas present for twits everywhere." The new feature allows users to select a "top 8 friends" to feature prominently in their profile.
 
TORONTO — In an attempt to change with the times, toy and game manufacturer Hasbro has introduced a special edition of its popular game Operation. This new version of the game, available only in Canada, simply has players end the patient's life immediately.
TORONTO — In an attempt to change with the times, toy and game manufacturer Hasbro has introduced a special edition of its popular game Operation. This new version of the game, available only in Canada, simply has players end the patient's life immediately.
 
Recent discoveries have revealed a motive behind Cain's decision to murder his brother Abel out in an open field. While it was long assumed that Cain chose this location due to its convenience
Recent discoveries have revealed a motive behind Cain's decision to murder his brother Abel out in an open field. While it was long assumed that Cain chose this location due to its convenience
 
With the last hours of the Christmas and New Year's seasons ticking away, a local man found himself looking forward to the coming peace and quiet he will experience when returning to work after the holiday break.
With the last hours of the Christmas and New Year's seasons ticking away, a local man found himself looking forward to the coming peace and quiet he will experience when returning to work after the holiday break.
 
Sources close to local man Payton Martin allege that he used to be a fun, carefree young man who loved getting fun gifts for Christmas — and who was "super sad and disappointed" when he opened a big package under the Christmas tree only to find that it was a pack of socks.
Sources close to local man Payton Martin allege that he used to be a fun, carefree young man who loved getting fun gifts for Christmas — and who was "super sad and disappointed" when he opened a big package under the Christmas tree only to find that it was a pack of socks.
 
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