According to sources, local man Chet Bivley is enjoying a cigar with his friends at the local cigar lounge and has just mentioned how much he loves it, despite the fact that he will soon be puking all his guts out into a trash can.
Published: Saturday, February 24th, 2024 @ 7:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As part of an ongoing corporate initiative to show solidarity with the Palestinian people and support anti-Zionist liberation efforts, kiosks at the global coffee chain Starbucks will now ask customers if they would like to donate $1 to buy a bullet for Hamas.
Published: Friday, February 23rd, 2024 @ 10:36 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It's that time of year, men! It's time to gather up all the love and appreciation you feel for your wife all year long and make a last-minute trip to the Walgreens down on the corner to buy her the perfect Christmas gift.
Published: Monday, December 25th, 2023 @ 1:32 am
By: Babylon Bee
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New York Gov. Kathy Hochul’s Department of Health commissioned a survey distributed to state and county leaders exploring a ban on all tobacco products, despite lawmakers’ declining support to prohibit menthol cigarettes and other flavored products.
Published: Sunday, November 19th, 2023 @ 11:13 pm
By: Daily Wire
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In an effort to draw more fans to baseball, the MLB has done its best to make the sport less like baseball.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 5:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In addition to certifying Mitch McConnell, Diane Feinstein, and John Fetterman as fit to serve in prominent roles in the legislative branch of the United States government, the attending physician at the U.S. Capitol has medically cleared a bowl of Jell-O to serve in the Senate.
Published: Sunday, November 5th, 2023 @ 4:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Parents around the world live in crippling fear of their children becoming fans of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, which is a dark road that can lead to misogyny and fascism.
Published: Sunday, September 24th, 2023 @ 9:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Lately, my social media feeds have been full of Barbie-branded memes, AI-generated photos that you can put a picture of yourself and “become an instant Barbie,” and pink. Lots and lots of pink.
Published: Saturday, September 9th, 2023 @ 10:17 am
By: John Locke Foundation
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With the month of June coming to a close and various consumer brands across the retail spectrum looking for ways to differentiate themselves in a non-Pride Month marketplace
Published: Thursday, August 17th, 2023 @ 4:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Admissions faculty at Harvard was devastated today upon hearing the news that they could no longer use racial discrimination to turn their school into a diverse rainbow of beautiful mediocrity.
Published: Thursday, August 17th, 2023 @ 10:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In order to save the environment from the intoxicating smell of delicious New York pizza cooked in a woodfire oven, Mayor Eric Adams has announced that all pizza must now be cooked under the hand dryer of a public restroom.
Published: Monday, August 14th, 2023 @ 12:15 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Former President Donald Trump entered the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada, Saturday night to a roaring crowd, meeting with numerous celebrities and even a victorious fighter at UFC 290.
Published: Tuesday, July 25th, 2023 @ 7:53 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Being cool is a state of mind, but you also need to know what you're doing so you don't end up looking like a total dork. Take smoking a cigar for example. If done correctly, you're the coolest guy in the room, but if you don't pull it off, everyone will think you're a loser.
Published: Tuesday, July 18th, 2023 @ 9:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Let's face it, getting good sleep can be tough these days! From the busyness of parenting fussy children to the stress of the day's news, there's always something keeping you awake.
Published: Monday, July 17th, 2023 @ 5:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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ECU part of comprehensive tobacco and nicotine study for FDA
Published: Wednesday, July 5th, 2023 @ 2:53 pm
By: ECU News Services
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In a burst of energy and glass shards, everyone's favorite kid beverage giant unveiled its newest mascot "Kool-Aid Woman" at a press conference Wednesday.
Published: Sunday, July 2nd, 2023 @ 12:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Anheuser-Busch, the company that makes Bud Light, has suffered weeks of stagnant sales following a simple marketing campaign celebrating breathtaking female woman Dylan Mulvaney, who is totally a woman.
Published: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023 @ 2:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Researchers with the U.S. Food & Drug Administration have determined that cereal reaches its peak flavor at 10 pm if eaten on the couch while watching a true crime documentary.
Published: Saturday, June 10th, 2023 @ 11:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Legendary NFL running back Jim Brown, one the league’s first superstars, has died. He was 87 years old.
Published: Monday, June 5th, 2023 @ 2:40 pm
By: Daily Wire
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With inflation remaining stubbornly persistent, the Easter Bunny has been forced to hide ramen noodle packages around people's yards in lieu of his usual eggs.
Published: Tuesday, May 16th, 2023 @ 9:17 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A producer of lab-grown meat unveiled an ancient appetizer that’s perfect for your Paleo diet.
Published: Saturday, April 15th, 2023 @ 5:52 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Seeking to be fully prepared to capitalize on any potential woke misstep by another major American corporation, Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing is now reportedly setting up shop in a large warehouse full of tires, waiting for Goodyear to say something to cause conservative outrage.
Published: Saturday, March 11th, 2023 @ 7:39 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Utilities in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky shut Ohio River water intake valves early Sunday morning over concerns about contamination by hazardous materials from a train that derailed in East Palestine, Ohio.
Published: Sunday, February 26th, 2023 @ 11:45 am
By: Daily Wire
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Several users of the remarkable software ChatGPT are reporting an apparent glitch that occurs whenever someone asks the AI to say something nice about Donald Trump.
Published: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023 @ 11:04 am
By: Babylon Bee
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New business creation filings grew 40% in 2021 over 2020, for a total of 178,300 new businesses in the state.
Published: Tuesday, January 31st, 2023 @ 7:00 pm
By: Carolina Journal
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To cope with increasing challenges resulting from rising food shortages around the globe, popular family restaurant chain Cheesecake Factory has decided to cut its menu down to a paltry 32 pages.
Published: Sunday, January 29th, 2023 @ 10:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Fear gripped the city today as a maniacal villain once again put innocent dozens of citizens' lives at risk as the Joker (who is reportedly pregnant) and his gang of homicidal clowns held the First National Bank of Gotham City hostage until his unusual demands were met.
Published: Friday, January 13th, 2023 @ 1:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Food manufacturer will invest $42 million in Graham
Published: Friday, December 9th, 2022 @ 11:21 pm
By: Governor's Office
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Local man Byron Hardin achieved opulence beyond the greatest of medieval royalty after adding some black pepper to his box of Kraft mac and cheese.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 10:39 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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White Suburban Women Swing Right After Republican Party Rebrands As 'Pumpkin Spice Republican Party'Despite suburban white women demurring from widespread Republican support in the 2020 election, new polling estimates a 25%+ increase in this key demographic's projected support for conservatives in the upcoming midterm elections.
Published: Friday, November 11th, 2022 @ 4:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Experts say they remain baffled at the phenomenon of candy manufacturers still insisting on making flavors other than the undisputed best flavor of all time: green apple.
Published: Sunday, November 6th, 2022 @ 3:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Polling data shows that Democrats have a chance of losing both chambers of Congress. But it's not all doom and gloom! Democrats have some noteworthy achievements under their belt that they can cite to remind Americans why they should stay in power.
Published: Monday, October 24th, 2022 @ 12:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Lakewood Church Pastor Joel Osteen has begun selling his own unique brand of table salt, which is completely devoid of any and all saltiness.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 7:40 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A fascinating new study has revealed that the vast majority of people, when presented with a blind taste test, can't tell the difference between candy corn and a dusty, old orange crayon we found in a junk drawer.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 7:09 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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