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With midterm elections fast approaching, Democrats are rushing to pass key elements of their legislative agenda before they're voted out of office in November.
Published: Friday, July 8th, 2022 @ 8:11 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After Roe v. Wade was overturned, actor Mark Hamill took to Twitter to angrily condemn the decision — as well as people who adopt children like the Star Wars characters Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 5:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a passionate speech in which he begged gas stations across the country to lower gas prices, Biden ended with a plea to pollsters, asking them to raise his approval rating.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 5:05 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Fresh off being banished from paradise, Adam and Eve are blaming cancel culture for their sudden expulsion.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 4:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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DoorDash announced the launch of a new premium service DoorDash+, where they will at least make a small effort to get your order correct.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 12:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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This week, Simone Biles backed out of the upcoming Medal of Freedom ceremony, citing the need to pay attention to her mental health.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 12:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After years of being a social and political pariah, former Vice President Dick Cheney is overjoyed to no longer be the least likable Cheney in America.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 11:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The acclaimed morning TV show Good Morning America recognized a significant moment in American history by posting a tweet celebrating Joe Biden as the country's first white, male U.S. president.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 8:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Amazon employee Emily Thomas began to wonder this morning if the company offering to pay to kill her child really had her best interest in mind.
Published: Thursday, July 7th, 2022 @ 8:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The British parliament has convened for an emergency session to investigate the events of July 4th, 1776 in the colonies across the Atlantic. Sources indicate an illegal insurrection took place there that cost many lives.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 9:15 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The walls are finally closing in on Trump, as the January 6th Committee has called star witness Amber Heard to testify against the former president.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 9:05 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Just days after being sentenced to 30 years in prison, R. Kelly walked free this morning after it came to light that he was actually one of Ghislaine Maxwell's clients, and therefore protected from any consequences of his actions.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 7:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With Pride Month ending and July 4th around the corner, millions of rainbow flags across the country are being taken down and replaced with American flags, causing liberals to scream and run away in terror.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 6:28 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Famed Canadian clinical psychologist and best-selling author Jordan Peterson has announced that he will be joining DailyWire+ to produce exclusive new content.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 5:57 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The famed Impractical Jokers comedy quartet managed to get access to President Biden's cheat sheet today, quickly plunging the nation into chaos.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 4:19 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, local man Dave Smithers was struggling to afford food for his July 4th barbecue due to food prices being up over 3272% this season.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 3:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Are you a woman? Are you in desperate need of a man you can make sandwiches for?
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 2:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre brought out President Biden during Thursday's press briefing to demonstrate the president's new toddler leash.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 9:49 am
By: Babylon Bee
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You may think it's funny that President Biden carries around a cheat card that tells him exactly what to do and when to do it. As it turns out, this is a common technique used by several presidents throughout our nation's great history.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 9:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Universal Pictures announced Wednesday that former President Donald J. Trump would be starring in the tenth movie in the long-running Fast and Furious franchise.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 8:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Pride Month officially concludes June 30th with a series of explicit parades and orgies, but community activists have assured as many as would listen that they are not going anywhere.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 8:30 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The World Economic Forum experienced a major blunder during a recent symposium when the institution's banner slipped, revealing the tentacled HYDRA logo.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 8:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
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With Ketanji Brown Jackson set to take over Justice Stephen Breyer's seat on the Supreme Court today, aides have been hard at work changing all the restroom signs to "gender-neutral" so Jackson doesn't get confused when she has to use the restroom.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 7:47 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Are you a single loser? Are you also a man? Love scientists with The Babylon Bee talked with 1000 actual real-live women and uncovered ten things Christian women are looking for in a man.
Published: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022 @ 3:54 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Ghislaine Maxwell, former co-conspirator of sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for her crimes, but the judge did express it was likely she would be killed early on good behavior.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 10:31 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Singer-songwriter Pink took to Twitter following the landmark Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade, telling all pro-life fans to stop listening to her music. Millions have since joined the pro-life cause to avoid what they call "Pink's terrible music."
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 10:19 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Ghislaine Maxwell has been sentenced to 20 years in prison, in spite of her many years of faithful service to our nation's leaders.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 6:39 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Reports have confirmed that beloved Sesame Street resident Elmo died unexpectedly this morning just a few hours after receiving the COVID vaccine.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 6:17 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Fathers are the forgotten heroes of this world. Mothers get all the glory (and with good reason!) but there are still some great benefits to being a dad. For example, free hugs whenever you want!
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 4:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Mike Lindell has done it again. This time the inventor of the enormously popular MyPillow is expanding his market to never before reached groups.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 1:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After hearing the cries of his freedom-loving people, 45th President Donald J. Trump smote a rock with his nine-iron, causing it to spew forth cheap, clean gasoline.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 10:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has announced he will no longer be an American idiot and will instead just be a regular idiot.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 8:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Men across the country are finally able to get some work done at the office this week, as their progressive female co-workers are out protesting for abortion rights.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 7:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a shocking reversal from long-standing pro-life policies, the Texas legislature has decided that abortion can be legal in their state - as long as the unborn baby is issued an AR-15 to defend himself.
Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 6:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
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