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If you've ever wondered if you should leave a church, wonder no more – The Babylon Bee is here to help! Here are 10 solid, biblically-defensible excuses for leaving a church that's not serving you enough:
If you've ever wondered if you should leave a church, wonder no more – The Babylon Bee is here to help! Here are 10 solid, biblically-defensible excuses for leaving a church that's not serving you enough:
 
A rescue party going through the wreckage formerly known as the "First Baptist Baton Rouge Nursery" found an ominous note scrawled out, warning that "they are coming."
A rescue party going through the wreckage formerly known as the "First Baptist Baton Rouge Nursery" found an ominous note scrawled out, warning that "they are coming."
 
While today's churches seem to have tons of positions and pastors for everything, in the Bible, there are only a few church offices outlined: elder, deacon, and sound guy.
While today's churches seem to have tons of positions and pastors for everything, in the Bible, there are only a few church offices outlined: elder, deacon, and sound guy.
 
Archeologists announced this month that they have discovered further evidence for the possible location of the home of two of Jesus’ Apostles.
Archeologists announced this month that they have discovered further evidence for the possible location of the home of two of Jesus’ Apostles.
 
Local man Alan Roddick skipped church this morning to go out for a nice brunch and spent the whole meal secretly judging all the heathens at the restaurant who don't go to church.
Local man Alan Roddick skipped church this morning to go out for a nice brunch and spent the whole meal secretly judging all the heathens at the restaurant who don't go to church.
 
President Joe Biden’s (D) administration has reportedly launched an investigation into the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) over its handling of alleged scandals within the church.
President Joe Biden’s (D) administration has reportedly launched an investigation into the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) over its handling of alleged scandals within the church.
 
Martin Luther nailed his famous "Disputation on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences" or "Ninety-Five Theses" to the door of Wittenberg Castle church in 1517, forcing the Catholic Church to disband forever.
Martin Luther nailed his famous "Disputation on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences" or "Ninety-Five Theses" to the door of Wittenberg Castle church in 1517, forcing the Catholic Church to disband forever.
 
seven figure TV ad campaign blames Biden for doing nothing on church attacks
seven figure TV ad campaign blames Biden for doing nothing on church attacks
 
Even with the COVID-19 restrictions lifted, Americans have been slow to return to church. Churches need to appeal to a broader, more diverse population if they hope to compete!
Even with the COVID-19 restrictions lifted, Americans have been slow to return to church. Churches need to appeal to a broader, more diverse population if they hope to compete!
 
House Democrats blocked a GOP resolution Tuesday to condemn violence against churches and pro-life centers following numerous attacks in recent weeks.
House Democrats blocked a GOP resolution Tuesday to condemn violence against churches and pro-life centers following numerous attacks in recent weeks.
 
As Democrats rage against the Catholic Church for its pro-life advocacy, federal dollars flowing to Catholic groups have simultaneously skyrocketed, thanks to the Church’s role in caring for illegal immigrants flooding across the border.
As Democrats rage against the Catholic Church for its pro-life advocacy, federal dollars flowing to Catholic groups have simultaneously skyrocketed, thanks to the Church’s role in caring for illegal immigrants flooding across the border.
 
Early the morning of Sunday July 3, vandals targeted Holy Family Catholic Church in Hillsborough, N.C., with anti-Christian and pro-abortion messages in bright yellow spray paint.
Early the morning of Sunday July 3, vandals targeted Holy Family Catholic Church in Hillsborough, N.C., with anti-Christian and pro-abortion messages in bright yellow spray paint.
 
The Department of Homeland Security reportedly shared intelligence with the Catholic Church about a “Night of Rage” following the possible overturn of Roe v. Wade that will target churches and pregnancy centers.
The Department of Homeland Security reportedly shared intelligence with the Catholic Church about a “Night of Rage” following the possible overturn of Roe v. Wade that will target churches and pregnancy centers.
 
Scholars for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka, Mormons) have published a study revealing a disturbing trend among young Mormons. Specifically, millennial Mormons are waiting until later in life, sometimes even until age 22, to get married.
Scholars for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka, Mormons) have published a study revealing a disturbing trend among young Mormons. Specifically, millennial Mormons are waiting until later in life, sometimes even until age 22, to get married.
 
You're a worship leader, which means you have the most important job in the entire church. Don't screw it up, or the whole church service will be ruined and everyone will drive home after the service talking about how "cringe" you were. No pressure!
You're a worship leader, which means you have the most important job in the entire church. Don't screw it up, or the whole church service will be ruined and everyone will drive home after the service talking about how "cringe" you were. No pressure!
 
While exiled on the island of Patmos, the apostle John experienced a grand vision that would not be fully understood until Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days was published in 1995.
While exiled on the island of Patmos, the apostle John experienced a grand vision that would not be fully understood until Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days was published in 1995.
 
The Meebleton family was enjoying their Sunday morning tradition of burning pancakes and spilling the syrup when husband, Ron, did his part to get the family ready for church by shouting, "Kids, it's time to get ready for church!"
The Meebleton family was enjoying their Sunday morning tradition of burning pancakes and spilling the syrup when husband, Ron, did his part to get the family ready for church by shouting, "Kids, it's time to get ready for church!"
 
Terrorists massacred dozens of Christian churchgoers in Nigeria on Sunday prompting a top leader in the country to promise that every resource at the country’s disposal would be used to track down those responsible and bring them to justice.
Terrorists massacred dozens of Christian churchgoers in Nigeria on Sunday prompting a top leader in the country to promise that every resource at the country’s disposal would be used to track down those responsible and bring them to justice.
 
The man accused of opening fire at a church in California is a Chinese immigrant who was allegedly motivated by hate for Taiwanese people.
The man accused of opening fire at a church in California is a Chinese immigrant who was allegedly motivated by hate for Taiwanese people.
 
Not everyone grows up going to a church camp over the summer. For those special few who bear the honor, consider how blessed you are—you may not be aware of how it has irrevocably changed your life.
Not everyone grows up going to a church camp over the summer. For those special few who bear the honor, consider how blessed you are—you may not be aware of how it has irrevocably changed your life.
 
Oh no! It's Sunday morning and the worship leader told everyone to turn and greet someone standing next to them!
Oh no! It's Sunday morning and the worship leader told everyone to turn and greet someone standing next to them!
 
Enthralled onlookers at Lakewood Church in Houston watched this Sunday as a surprise guest marched onstage: John MacArthur.
Enthralled onlookers at Lakewood Church in Houston watched this Sunday as a surprise guest marched onstage: John MacArthur.
 
Donnie L. Cutler Sr., of the Free Union Church Road community passed away on Wednesday February 23, 2022.
Donnie L. Cutler Sr., of the Free Union Church Road community passed away on Wednesday February 23, 2022.
 
An alleged illegal alien from China is facing a federal second-degree arson charge after allegedly setting fire to the historic First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, which is attended by the state’s governor.
An alleged illegal alien from China is facing a federal second-degree arson charge after allegedly setting fire to the historic First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, which is attended by the state’s governor.
 
Government officials need to know that illegal restrictions on First Amendment rights are intolerable and costly
Government officials need to know that illegal restrictions on First Amendment rights are intolerable and costly
 
The bill would have allowed concealed carry during non-school hours in houses of worship that also operate schools.
The bill would have allowed concealed carry during non-school hours in houses of worship that also operate schools.
 
More don't associate themselves with a particular religion and thus don't become church members
More don't associate themselves with a particular religion and thus don't become church members
 
The Catholic Church is actually just stating the obvious interpretation of God's Word. Beware of the media spin
The Catholic Church is actually just stating the obvious interpretation of God's Word. Beware of the media spin
 
Today, Governor Roy Cooper visited Mount Zion Baptist Church in Greensboro to see people getting vaccinated and learn more about how Guilford County is targeting undeserved communities in its vaccine distribution.
Today, Governor Roy Cooper visited Mount Zion Baptist Church in Greensboro to see people getting vaccinated and learn more about how Guilford County is targeting undeserved communities in its vaccine distribution.
 
Back in the 15th, 16th, and 17th centuries, church officials felt it necessary to scrutinize every book or pamphlet for the slightest hint of heresy.
Back in the 15th, 16th, and 17th centuries, church officials felt it necessary to scrutinize every book or pamphlet for the slightest hint of heresy.
 
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