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With the startling announcement that resources from conservative media organization PragerU will now be available to students in Florida public schools, it's time for parents to be on the lookout for what other dangerous, right-wing material their unsuspecting children may discover at school.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 7:15 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Fox News has scored exclusive TV rights for what many are already calling the debate of the century. The political bloodbath will pit Gavin Newsom, governor of the state people are fleeing from in terror, against Ron DeSantis, governor of the state people are fleeing to.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 12:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local patriarch Methuselah spent yet another frustrating day threshing his grain after his wife once again brought up a big argument they had 741 years ago, leading the couple into an uncomfortable silence.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 11:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After receiving a downgrade in its credit for the second time in history, the United States government has been informed by crediting agencies that it will now need a co-signer to purchase a used Ford Taurus
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 9:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After a terrifying three days, the prophet Jonah gathered his Assyrian followers around him to recount the harrowing tale of being tossed into the sea and swallowed by Lizzo, that mighty beast of old.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 7:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Don't look now, but your library may have gone WOKE! That's right, the place you used to feel was safe for your kids to read, learn, and get shushed by old ladies could now be a den of indoctrination.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 12:04 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A lawsuit brought by former members of Lizzo's backup dance team is alleging the corpulent singer terrorized them by eating them and their entire families.
Published: Friday, September 29th, 2023 @ 11:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A barista working the morning shift at a local Starbucks had plenty of wisdom to volunteer upon an unsuspecting customer wearing a Tesla t-shirt about how Elon Musk was making all the wrong financial decisions.
Published: Friday, September 29th, 2023 @ 7:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced the separation from his wife of 18 years Tuesday, shocking millions of Canadians who reportedly had no clue the effeminate leader had been married this whole time, least of all to a woman.
Published: Friday, September 29th, 2023 @ 4:26 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The pretend gender community is celebrating a huge step toward pushing their false ideology closer to the mainstream after pretend scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson posted a video professing his belief in their world of pretend genders.
Published: Friday, September 29th, 2023 @ 2:55 am
By: Babylon Bee
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President Joe Biden posed for photos yesterday on his Delaware beach trip in an effort to distract the public from mounting scandals involving his participation in international backroom bribery deals.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 11:56 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Tensions rose in the White House today after President Joe Biden called an urgent meeting with top administration members. According to reports, the team convened in the White House Situation Room to have a leisurely discussion about the weather.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 11:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After years of denying the existence of his 7th grandchild, a 4-year-old girl named Navy, Biden has now announced he will be making it up to the youngster by making her the head of one of his Ukrainian shell companies.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 8:39 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Citizens braced themselves for yet another heavy crime surge this week after the city of San Francisco fined The Batman for putting a bright, obnoxious "Bat Signal" on the roof of a downtown building.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 8:03 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As the Bible says, none is righteous, no, not one — especially when it comes to what you do in your wife's dreams. She has legitimate reasons to be mad at you for it, so don't you dare act like you don't know what you did!
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 12:30 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Mecha Hitler received a standing ovation at Canada's House of Commons last week in recognition of his hard work fighting the Soviets while overseeing experiments at Castle Wolfenstein.
Published: Thursday, September 28th, 2023 @ 12:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to several highly disturbing reports, a local man has repeatedly declined phone calls from his own mother, even though she's the person who gave him his very gift of life.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 10:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, a local man who proudly displays a "Don't Tread On Me" flag dutifully filed his income taxes this year, quietly handing over 40% of his total income to the government he labels tyrannical and oppressive.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 6:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After posting a job listing to fill their vacant personal chef position, former President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, were disappointed to learn it had received zero applications.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 5:47 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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By all accounts a subpar Mormon, local man Bryce Smith was assigned to govern Pluto upon his sudden passing yesterday.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 4:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After careful consideration, the Biden family announced that they have officially designated Hunter for assignment to make room for their 7th grandchild on the family roster.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 3:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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There you are, sitting across from an elderly, demented man drooling on his oatmeal, when suddenly you begin to wonder: Am I in a nursing home, or in the chambers of the United States Senate??
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 3:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Long-time congressional aide Mark Mathis has been tasked with slowly pushing a cart through the halls of congress to collect the dead bodies.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 1:01 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Wives across the nation announced that they too have to get to a prayer breakfast, informing disappointed husbands that making love must wait.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 9:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local parents of a young girl have grown concerned that she may be rife with internalized misogyny as she was seen pretending her Successful Lawyer Barbie™ was just a mommy.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 9:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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We've come a long way since the crazy days of COVID-19 lockdowns, haven't we? And yet, it still seems like yesterday when the government was telling churches across the country they had to close their doors, leaving millions of believers without a group of brothers and sisters to join.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 8:26 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In an attempt to both earn some much-needed positive publicity and show his support for workers' rights, Hunter Biden announced he was staging an 8-hour crack strike.
Published: Wednesday, September 27th, 2023 @ 1:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In an unexpected turn of events, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has rocketed to the top of polls for the 2024 Democratic Party nomination for president after suffering what appeared to be a stroke in the middle of a press conference yesterday.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 11:30 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 11:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to the results of a survey conducted among married women, over 100% of wives are waiting for feedback about the funny videos they sent their husbands at any given time. Statisticians posit that any husband reading this article, therefore, should check his phone immediately.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 10:26 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of the Upper House shuffled excitedly down the hall on their way to lunch Thursday after hearing Congressional chefs were prepping something special in addition to their usual meal of strained peas and blended cube steak.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 6:34 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas was summoned to Capitol Hill today to give testimony before a congressional committee that he is not, in fact, bald.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 5:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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NCAA Women's Soccer fell into controversy this week when, during a match, a transgender player was outed during a free kick.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 4:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The media and general public were collectively unsure how to respond today, as a visiting "alien commander" from space held a press conference to ask the people of Earth to provide his planet with $40 billion in foreign aid
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 3:12 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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