Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

Expert analysis indicates that the next time you bring your car to a mechanic the cost of repairs will perfectly match your paycheck for the month.
Expert analysis indicates that the next time you bring your car to a mechanic the cost of repairs will perfectly match your paycheck for the month.
 
In a new discovery, a team of highly respected theologians has announced that there is, indeed, an expansive library of audiobooks in Hell, but, unfortunately, every book is voiced by actress and rapper Awkwafina.
In a new discovery, a team of highly respected theologians has announced that there is, indeed, an expansive library of audiobooks in Hell, but, unfortunately, every book is voiced by actress and rapper Awkwafina.
 
Amid a nationwide boycott, Target has chosen to remove some "pride" displays in their store. Experts are warning that this could leave many Satan-worshipping trans infants with limited options for their designer clothing.
Amid a nationwide boycott, Target has chosen to remove some "pride" displays in their store. Experts are warning that this could leave many Satan-worshipping trans infants with limited options for their designer clothing.
 
Responding to Ron DeSantis's presidential candidacy announcement that crashed Twitter, President Biden ridiculed the candidate, saying that true leaders like him can crash entire economies.
Responding to Ron DeSantis's presidential candidacy announcement that crashed Twitter, President Biden ridiculed the candidate, saying that true leaders like him can crash entire economies.
 
In the wake of the Target controversy resulting in widespread calls for boycotts among suburban housewife shoppers, husbands across the United States have begun praying faith-based home decor retail chain Hobby Lobby will make a bad public relations decision to cause a similar firestorm
In the wake of the Target controversy resulting in widespread calls for boycotts among suburban housewife shoppers, husbands across the United States have begun praying faith-based home decor retail chain Hobby Lobby will make a bad public relations decision to cause a similar firestorm
 
The school year has just finished, but fall will be here before you know it, bringing a whole slew of new woke subjects that will be taught to your unsuspecting children in public schools. You should be prepared!
The school year has just finished, but fall will be here before you know it, bringing a whole slew of new woke subjects that will be taught to your unsuspecting children in public schools. You should be prepared!
 
After a Twitter announcement that was hampered by tech issues, Governor Ron DeSantis has assured that anyone who was unable to hear the announcement on Elon Musk's platform will soon receive a follow-up announcement on their pagers.
After a Twitter announcement that was hampered by tech issues, Governor Ron DeSantis has assured that anyone who was unable to hear the announcement on Elon Musk's platform will soon receive a follow-up announcement on their pagers.
 
Tricia Sloan, who had previously announced a hard-line boycott against Target, then called off the boycott shortly after her first attempt to shop at her local Walmart.
Tricia Sloan, who had previously announced a hard-line boycott against Target, then called off the boycott shortly after her first attempt to shop at her local Walmart.
 
In a decision viewed as yet another part of the logical progression of the team's descent into otherworldly evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers have announced the team will replace the traditional 7th-Inning Stretch and its accompanying singing of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
In a decision viewed as yet another part of the logical progression of the team's descent into otherworldly evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers have announced the team will replace the traditional 7th-Inning Stretch and its accompanying singing of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
 
In an advancement sure to save countless movie nights — and marriages, Netflix has announced a new "Wife Mode" function that explains the entire movie before it starts.
In an advancement sure to save countless movie nights — and marriages, Netflix has announced a new "Wife Mode" function that explains the entire movie before it starts.
 
As negotiations to raise the debt ceiling continue, American citizens are beginning to wonder how the federal government being unable to borrow trillions more dollars is some kind of crisis.
As negotiations to raise the debt ceiling continue, American citizens are beginning to wonder how the federal government being unable to borrow trillions more dollars is some kind of crisis.
 
After decades of total dominance, the Dallas Cowboys have been dethroned by the Los Angeles Dodgers as the gayest team in all of sports.
After decades of total dominance, the Dallas Cowboys have been dethroned by the Los Angeles Dodgers as the gayest team in all of sports.
 
Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.
Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.
 
After taking great pride in the label of "sanctuary city," New York City officials have reportedly begun to panic due to actually having to serve as a sanctuary for incoming illegal immigrants.
After taking great pride in the label of "sanctuary city," New York City officials have reportedly begun to panic due to actually having to serve as a sanctuary for incoming illegal immigrants.
 
In an effort to further smooth things over following the controversial decision to re-invite LGBTQ+ activist group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Los Angeles Dodgers have now summoned Satan himself to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Pride Night.
In an effort to further smooth things over following the controversial decision to re-invite LGBTQ+ activist group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Los Angeles Dodgers have now summoned Satan himself to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Pride Night.
 
A 113 - 111 victory for the Denver Nuggets was suddenly upset by a surprise Lakers win thanks to the California State Assembly coming in clutch with ten extra points as a form of overdue slavery reparations.
A 113 - 111 victory for the Denver Nuggets was suddenly upset by a surprise Lakers win thanks to the California State Assembly coming in clutch with ten extra points as a form of overdue slavery reparations.
 
Google is honoring Anitteb Opal, the world's first Indigenous transgender water-skier with no legs in a special redesign of their search engine logo for Tuesday, May 23.
Google is honoring Anitteb Opal, the world's first Indigenous transgender water-skier with no legs in a special redesign of their search engine logo for Tuesday, May 23.
 
A local couple put their relationship to the test after agreeing to hang a set of new curtains up in their spare bedroom over the weekend.
A local couple put their relationship to the test after agreeing to hang a set of new curtains up in their spare bedroom over the weekend.
 
The Southern Poverty Law Center has announced the addition of a dangerous new group to its list of hate groups: everyone who is not at this moment wearing a pride shirt.
The Southern Poverty Law Center has announced the addition of a dangerous new group to its list of hate groups: everyone who is not at this moment wearing a pride shirt.
 
One solitary housewife has announced her personal boycott of Target, a move that is expected to cost the retail giant millions of dollars in revenue each year.
One solitary housewife has announced her personal boycott of Target, a move that is expected to cost the retail giant millions of dollars in revenue each year.
 
After losing much of his personal wealth, his children, his physical health, and his reputation among his friends, witnesses report local patriarch Job had finally lost the will to live after discovering his cell phone had died.
After losing much of his personal wealth, his children, his physical health, and his reputation among his friends, witnesses report local patriarch Job had finally lost the will to live after discovering his cell phone had died.
 
House Republicans have been awarded their very first Emmy award for outstanding performance in acting like runaway government spending makes them sad.
House Republicans have been awarded their very first Emmy award for outstanding performance in acting like runaway government spending makes them sad.
 
Cotton candy vendor Rowan Milton patiently bided his time until the most important play of the game before positioning himself squarely in front of all the fans in section 207.
Cotton candy vendor Rowan Milton patiently bided his time until the most important play of the game before positioning himself squarely in front of all the fans in section 207.
 
In an ongoing effort to reduce the state's carbon footprint, Governor Gavin Newsom announced California will require all toddler racecar beds to be entirely electric by the year 2030.
In an ongoing effort to reduce the state's carbon footprint, Governor Gavin Newsom announced California will require all toddler racecar beds to be entirely electric by the year 2030.
 
New dad Ben Olsen proudly completed changing his baby's diaper this morning with only 427 wipes, down from his previous record of 856 wipes.
New dad Ben Olsen proudly completed changing his baby's diaper this morning with only 427 wipes, down from his previous record of 856 wipes.
 
Tim Keller has finished the race set before him.
 
YouTube personality UgliDawn is seemingly trapped in an endless loop of reacting to his own reaction videos and his fans are concerned. His latest video, "I React To My Reaction Of My Last Reaction Part 25" has over 13 million views and counting.
YouTube personality UgliDawn is seemingly trapped in an endless loop of reacting to his own reaction videos and his fans are concerned. His latest video, "I React To My Reaction Of My Last Reaction Part 25" has over 13 million views and counting.
 
Authorities have been alerted as to the presence of a suspicious white van at the corner of State St. and Huron. Local sources confirmed that this 12-passenger white Ford Econoline belongs to either a dangerous kidnapper or a nice Catholic family.
Authorities have been alerted as to the presence of a suspicious white van at the corner of State St. and Huron. Local sources confirmed that this 12-passenger white Ford Econoline belongs to either a dangerous kidnapper or a nice Catholic family.
 
After many heated debates over matters of theology, doctrine, and church carpet color, Lutherans have all finally agreed to split and form his or her own individual synod.
After many heated debates over matters of theology, doctrine, and church carpet color, Lutherans have all finally agreed to split and form his or her own individual synod.
 
A terrified paparazzi photographer is asking for privacy following an altercation with the Duchess of Sussex in downtown NYC this week.
A terrified paparazzi photographer is asking for privacy following an altercation with the Duchess of Sussex in downtown NYC this week.
 
Wayland Corporation has proudly announced the appointment of their new Chief Diversity Officer, who just so happens to be a white woman. The company says that it values diversity above all else and made this hire to show how serious they are about it.
Wayland Corporation has proudly announced the appointment of their new Chief Diversity Officer, who just so happens to be a white woman. The company says that it values diversity above all else and made this hire to show how serious they are about it.
 
Following a successful first term as Chief Executive of the United States of America, Volodymyr Zelensky has officially announced plans to run for a second term as U.S. President.
Following a successful first term as Chief Executive of the United States of America, Volodymyr Zelensky has officially announced plans to run for a second term as U.S. President.
 
Part-time professor of archaeology Indiana Jones has reportedly changed his name to Land Stolen From Indigenous Peoples Jones out of respect for Native Americans who had their land stolen from them by white colonizers.
Part-time professor of archaeology Indiana Jones has reportedly changed his name to Land Stolen From Indigenous Peoples Jones out of respect for Native Americans who had their land stolen from them by white colonizers.
 
Fox News announced today that they will fill their primetime slot with a computer monitor that will sit there and play Tucker Carlson's livestream on Twitter.
Fox News announced today that they will fill their primetime slot with a computer monitor that will sit there and play Tucker Carlson's livestream on Twitter.
 
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