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Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary.
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 10:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 5:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 9:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The United States' soccer match against England ended in a tie, handing the U.S. team victory as the country which last beat the other in a war wins the tiebreaker.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 9:21 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 8:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Biblical scholars have come to a unanimous conclusion that the food for which Esau sold his birthright was actually a marshmallow & Jell-O salad.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 8:05 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 11:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 10:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour."
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 3:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, a kindly middle-aged father began bullying his family during a casual game of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe this week. Police were called to the scene after a neighbor became distressed over the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the family's home.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 11:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Your family may say they want you over for Thanksgiving because they love you, but it's obviously a trap. They're going to ambush you with alternative facts that make Biden look bad.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 10:54 am
By: Babylon Bee
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This week, a listing appeared on the classified advertising website Craigslist offering to sell a "lightly used" social network for "$5 OBO." The listing included a picture of Twitter's HQ in San Francisco.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 10:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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We all know Thanksgiving is a time of family and delicious food, but is your Thanksgiving historically accurate?
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 9:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Celebration descended into disaster today when what began as a meal of thanksgiving for bountiful blessings erupted into anger due to an attendee wearing a hat emblazoned with the words "Make America Great Someday."
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 9:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 12:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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New evidence suggests that some of the people present at Jesus Christ's famous Sermon on the Mount had to sit in an overflow section on the eastern side of the mount where a large jumbotron screen had been set up.
Published: Sunday, November 27th, 2022 @ 12:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Robert Thurdriftle took the day off work to tackle some of the 74 different things he had to do but, after puzzling about what to do first, eventually settled on doing nothing.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 11:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid plunging stock price, unprofitable streaming, and a business model intensely focused on sexualizing children as young as possible, Bob Chapek has been ousted from Disney and replaced with former CEO Bob Iger.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 7:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Elon Musk is infamous for being a brutal boss to work for, and with his acquisition of Twitter, the employees will have to adjust to an absolutely crushing new work environment. Can they survive?
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 6:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The World Cup courted controversy this week after one of the teams continued racking up an obscene number of points even after it was clear they were already poised to win 1-0.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 1:21 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Twenty-four members of the US Men's Soccer team were thrown off the top of the Lusail Stadium today after defying Qatar authorities and wearing LGBTQ+ jerseys on the field. Twenty-four players died in the incident.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 12:12 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Joe Biden is the most popular president in history. You can't throw a rock without hitting someone who voted for him! So, the chances are high that someone you love is a Biden voter.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 9:59 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Individuals and organizations are quitting Twitter in droves to protest Elon Musk's "recklessly violent" decision to reinstate Donald Trump's Twitter account, chief among them the Taliban.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 9:26 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a break from a long-standing tradition, the White House announced that this year's Thanksgiving turkey would not receive a ceremonial pardon from President Joe Biden after it was discovered that the turkey had attended the riot at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 8:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After months of arguing that he was ready for the responsibility of a mobile device, local homeschooler Kevin Hillstead at last wore his parents down.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 7:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local family physician Dr. Baines waited in rapt anticipation today to learn what plethora of diseases his patient Mrs. Lamb had diagnosed herself with via WebMD.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 7:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.
Published: Saturday, November 26th, 2022 @ 12:03 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Ticketmaster crashed early Friday following the announcement that Psalty the Singing Songbook would bring his "Funtastic Praise Party Reunion Tour" to the United States in time for Christmas.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 10:42 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A local rabbi named Jesus has been accused of being a dangerous Christian Nationalist after saying that soon he will establish his kingdom over the whole earth.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 10:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a move that quickly received international backlash, the World Cup host country of Qatar has banned the sale of beer in or near arenas where matches will be played.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 9:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After an anonymous tip from the owner of a local arcade, The FBI raided the home of Nick Baird, who had reportedly gotten way too far on the Area 51 arcade game.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 2:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Megachurch pastor Klive Fursteen has just delivered yet another hard-hitting, impassioned sermon where he couldn't help but get choked up during a particularly powerful point in the message.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 12:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Emboldened by his re-election as the Republican leader in the Senate, Mitch McConnell has narrowed his immediate focus on the real problems facing the nation, the most serious of which is the Taylor Swift concert ticket scandal.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 9:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Hundreds of millions of people around the world mourned the sudden death of Twitter last night with hundreds of millions of heartfelt posts on Twitter.
Published: Friday, November 25th, 2022 @ 8:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
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