Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

ENCNow

Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary.
Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary.
 
Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
 
Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
 
The United States' soccer match against England ended in a tie, handing the U.S. team victory as the country which last beat the other in a war wins the tiebreaker.
The United States' soccer match against England ended in a tie, handing the U.S. team victory as the country which last beat the other in a war wins the tiebreaker.
 
A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
 
Biblical scholars have come to a unanimous conclusion that the food for which Esau sold his birthright was actually a marshmallow & Jell-O salad.
Biblical scholars have come to a unanimous conclusion that the food for which Esau sold his birthright was actually a marshmallow & Jell-O salad.
 
Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.
Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.
 
Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
 
According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour."
According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour."
 
According to sources, a kindly middle-aged father began bullying his family during a casual game of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe this week. Police were called to the scene after a neighbor became distressed over the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the family's home.
According to sources, a kindly middle-aged father began bullying his family during a casual game of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe this week. Police were called to the scene after a neighbor became distressed over the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the family's home.
 
Your family may say they want you over for Thanksgiving because they love you, but it's obviously a trap. They're going to ambush you with alternative facts that make Biden look bad.
Your family may say they want you over for Thanksgiving because they love you, but it's obviously a trap. They're going to ambush you with alternative facts that make Biden look bad.
 
This week, a listing appeared on the classified advertising website Craigslist offering to sell a "lightly used" social network for "$5 OBO." The listing included a picture of Twitter's HQ in San Francisco.
This week, a listing appeared on the classified advertising website Craigslist offering to sell a "lightly used" social network for "$5 OBO." The listing included a picture of Twitter's HQ in San Francisco.
 
We all know Thanksgiving is a time of family and delicious food, but is your Thanksgiving historically accurate?
We all know Thanksgiving is a time of family and delicious food, but is your Thanksgiving historically accurate?
 
Celebration descended into disaster today when what began as a meal of thanksgiving for bountiful blessings erupted into anger due to an attendee wearing a hat emblazoned with the words "Make America Great Someday."
Celebration descended into disaster today when what began as a meal of thanksgiving for bountiful blessings erupted into anger due to an attendee wearing a hat emblazoned with the words "Make America Great Someday."
 
The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.
The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.
 
New evidence suggests that some of the people present at Jesus Christ's famous Sermon on the Mount had to sit in an overflow section on the eastern side of the mount where a large jumbotron screen had been set up.
New evidence suggests that some of the people present at Jesus Christ's famous Sermon on the Mount had to sit in an overflow section on the eastern side of the mount where a large jumbotron screen had been set up.
 
Local man Robert Thurdriftle took the day off work to tackle some of the 74 different things he had to do but, after puzzling about what to do first, eventually settled on doing nothing.
Local man Robert Thurdriftle took the day off work to tackle some of the 74 different things he had to do but, after puzzling about what to do first, eventually settled on doing nothing.
 
Amid plunging stock price, unprofitable streaming, and a business model intensely focused on sexualizing children as young as possible, Bob Chapek has been ousted from Disney and replaced with former CEO Bob Iger.
Amid plunging stock price, unprofitable streaming, and a business model intensely focused on sexualizing children as young as possible, Bob Chapek has been ousted from Disney and replaced with former CEO Bob Iger.
 
Elon Musk is infamous for being a brutal boss to work for, and with his acquisition of Twitter, the employees will have to adjust to an absolutely crushing new work environment. Can they survive?
Elon Musk is infamous for being a brutal boss to work for, and with his acquisition of Twitter, the employees will have to adjust to an absolutely crushing new work environment. Can they survive?
 
The World Cup courted controversy this week after one of the teams continued racking up an obscene number of points even after it was clear they were already poised to win 1-0.
The World Cup courted controversy this week after one of the teams continued racking up an obscene number of points even after it was clear they were already poised to win 1-0.
 
Twenty-four members of the US Men's Soccer team were thrown off the top of the Lusail Stadium today after defying Qatar authorities and wearing LGBTQ+ jerseys on the field. Twenty-four players died in the incident.
Twenty-four members of the US Men's Soccer team were thrown off the top of the Lusail Stadium today after defying Qatar authorities and wearing LGBTQ+ jerseys on the field. Twenty-four players died in the incident.
 
Joe Biden is the most popular president in history. You can't throw a rock without hitting someone who voted for him! So, the chances are high that someone you love is a Biden voter.
Joe Biden is the most popular president in history. You can't throw a rock without hitting someone who voted for him! So, the chances are high that someone you love is a Biden voter.
 
Individuals and organizations are quitting Twitter in droves to protest Elon Musk's "recklessly violent" decision to reinstate Donald Trump's Twitter account, chief among them the Taliban.
Individuals and organizations are quitting Twitter in droves to protest Elon Musk's "recklessly violent" decision to reinstate Donald Trump's Twitter account, chief among them the Taliban.
 
In a break from a long-standing tradition, the White House announced that this year's Thanksgiving turkey would not receive a ceremonial pardon from President Joe Biden after it was discovered that the turkey had attended the riot at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.
In a break from a long-standing tradition, the White House announced that this year's Thanksgiving turkey would not receive a ceremonial pardon from President Joe Biden after it was discovered that the turkey had attended the riot at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.
 
After months of arguing that he was ready for the responsibility of a mobile device, local homeschooler Kevin Hillstead at last wore his parents down.
After months of arguing that he was ready for the responsibility of a mobile device, local homeschooler Kevin Hillstead at last wore his parents down.
 
Local family physician Dr. Baines waited in rapt anticipation today to learn what plethora of diseases his patient Mrs. Lamb had diagnosed herself with via WebMD.
Local family physician Dr. Baines waited in rapt anticipation today to learn what plethora of diseases his patient Mrs. Lamb had diagnosed herself with via WebMD.
 
In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.
In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.
 
Ticketmaster crashed early Friday following the announcement that Psalty the Singing Songbook would bring his "Funtastic Praise Party Reunion Tour" to the United States in time for Christmas.
Ticketmaster crashed early Friday following the announcement that Psalty the Singing Songbook would bring his "Funtastic Praise Party Reunion Tour" to the United States in time for Christmas.
 
A local rabbi named Jesus has been accused of being a dangerous Christian Nationalist after saying that soon he will establish his kingdom over the whole earth.
A local rabbi named Jesus has been accused of being a dangerous Christian Nationalist after saying that soon he will establish his kingdom over the whole earth.
 
In a move that quickly received international backlash, the World Cup host country of Qatar has banned the sale of beer in or near arenas where matches will be played.
In a move that quickly received international backlash, the World Cup host country of Qatar has banned the sale of beer in or near arenas where matches will be played.
 
After an anonymous tip from the owner of a local arcade, The FBI raided the home of Nick Baird, who had reportedly gotten way too far on the Area 51 arcade game.
After an anonymous tip from the owner of a local arcade, The FBI raided the home of Nick Baird, who had reportedly gotten way too far on the Area 51 arcade game.
 
Megachurch pastor Klive Fursteen has just delivered yet another hard-hitting, impassioned sermon where he couldn't help but get choked up during a particularly powerful point in the message.
Megachurch pastor Klive Fursteen has just delivered yet another hard-hitting, impassioned sermon where he couldn't help but get choked up during a particularly powerful point in the message.
 
Emboldened by his re-election as the Republican leader in the Senate, Mitch McConnell has narrowed his immediate focus on the real problems facing the nation, the most serious of which is the Taylor Swift concert ticket scandal.
Emboldened by his re-election as the Republican leader in the Senate, Mitch McConnell has narrowed his immediate focus on the real problems facing the nation, the most serious of which is the Taylor Swift concert ticket scandal.
 
Hundreds of millions of people around the world mourned the sudden death of Twitter last night with hundreds of millions of heartfelt posts on Twitter.
Hundreds of millions of people around the world mourned the sudden death of Twitter last night with hundreds of millions of heartfelt posts on Twitter.
 
« Newer     Older »     

HbAD0

 
 
Back to Top