Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

Local man Jason Malone was disappointed to learn that his impressive Super Smash Bros skills have not really been considered during several recent interviews.
Local man Jason Malone was disappointed to learn that his impressive Super Smash Bros skills have not really been considered during several recent interviews.
 
Local man Alex McIlvaine stumbled upon the brilliant idea today of adding a little sign to his cigar humidor that reads "Smokeable essential oils."
Local man Alex McIlvaine stumbled upon the brilliant idea today of adding a little sign to his cigar humidor that reads "Smokeable essential oils."
 
Rather than going through the unmitigated awkwardness of sharing the gospel with his coworker Brad, local man Dave Cannon has instead quit his job and become a missionary to a remote village in Africa.
Rather than going through the unmitigated awkwardness of sharing the gospel with his coworker Brad, local man Dave Cannon has instead quit his job and become a missionary to a remote village in Africa.
 
A fierce Monopoly game night has once again made the very subtle transition into a murder mystery evening.
A fierce Monopoly game night has once again made the very subtle transition into a murder mystery evening.
 
New evidence uncovered by researchers at the University of Jordan sheds new light on the scriptural tale of Jacob wrestling the Angel of the Lord. Scholars now believe the epic wrestling match ended after Jacob performed a wicked powerbomb, forcing the angel to tap out.
New evidence uncovered by researchers at the University of Jordan sheds new light on the scriptural tale of Jacob wrestling the Angel of the Lord. Scholars now believe the epic wrestling match ended after Jacob performed a wicked powerbomb, forcing the angel to tap out.
 
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, star congress ghost and the world's smartest socialist, revealed today that ghost has been using ghost/ghostself pronouns to refer to ghostself ever since ghost was murdered in the January 6 protests at the capitol building.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, star congress ghost and the world's smartest socialist, revealed today that ghost has been using ghost/ghostself pronouns to refer to ghostself ever since ghost was murdered in the January 6 protests at the capitol building.
 
Local pipe fitting outside salesman Jason Quintana emailed his coworker Carl today to see if he'd been able to work up the most recent quarterly sales report for the big Etherton Pipeline account.
Local pipe fitting outside salesman Jason Quintana emailed his coworker Carl today to see if he'd been able to work up the most recent quarterly sales report for the big Etherton Pipeline account.
 
Sources at the National Gallery revealed today that a self-portrait of Vincent van Gogh cut its own ear off so that it would no longer have to hear the anguished cries of climate change protesters tossing tomato soup on his masterpieces.
Sources at the National Gallery revealed today that a self-portrait of Vincent van Gogh cut its own ear off so that it would no longer have to hear the anguished cries of climate change protesters tossing tomato soup on his masterpieces.
 
In a landslide victory during a special statewide referendum this week, Texans overwhelmingly voted to have a giant airship pick up Austin via tow cables and drop the city off in California.
In a landslide victory during a special statewide referendum this week, Texans overwhelmingly voted to have a giant airship pick up Austin via tow cables and drop the city off in California.
 
In preparation for another grueling worship service, local pentecostal Sam Twibbins is loading up on a pre-workout concoction of whey protein, creatine, and beta-alanine for maximum gains and recovery.
In preparation for another grueling worship service, local pentecostal Sam Twibbins is loading up on a pre-workout concoction of whey protein, creatine, and beta-alanine for maximum gains and recovery.
 
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
 
The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol™ may have stopped broadcasting on prime-time television, but sources reveal the committee is alive and well behind closed doors with an audience of stuffed animals and action figures
The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol™ may have stopped broadcasting on prime-time television, but sources reveal the committee is alive and well behind closed doors with an audience of stuffed animals and action figures
 
Hey gang, get a load of this absolute dweeb of a human who didn't bring money for the Book Fair!
Hey gang, get a load of this absolute dweeb of a human who didn't bring money for the Book Fair!
 
With inflation and consumer prices climbing faster than ever, Christians around the country are finding it easier than ever to stop storing up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
With inflation and consumer prices climbing faster than ever, Christians around the country are finding it easier than ever to stop storing up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
 
Moses delivered the Lord's command to Israel that every family must gather a double portion of Chick-fil-A on Saturday, knowing that none may be gathered on the Sabbath.
Moses delivered the Lord's command to Israel that every family must gather a double portion of Chick-fil-A on Saturday, knowing that none may be gathered on the Sabbath.
 
After hundreds of Muslim parents attended a school board meeting to protest pornographic material in elementary school libraries, the DOJ and FBI leaped into action to make sure all parents in attendance were added to the No-Fly List.
After hundreds of Muslim parents attended a school board meeting to protest pornographic material in elementary school libraries, the DOJ and FBI leaped into action to make sure all parents in attendance were added to the No-Fly List.
 
Despite the uproar caused by revelations at a European Union hearing that the pharmaceutical giant rushed the COVID-19 vaccine out into use without testing it for preventing transmission, Pfizer executives were quick to backtrack and point out that they did, in fact, test the vaccine
Despite the uproar caused by revelations at a European Union hearing that the pharmaceutical giant rushed the COVID-19 vaccine out into use without testing it for preventing transmission, Pfizer executives were quick to backtrack and point out that they did, in fact, test the vaccine
 
If there's anything we need more of this country, it's more gun control! Be a part of the solution by following our 9 essential tips.
If there's anything we need more of this country, it's more gun control! Be a part of the solution by following our 9 essential tips.
 
In his first TV interview since suffering a stroke earlier this year, Democratic candidate John Fetterman was asked if he still possessed the mental ability to serve as a United States Senator.
In his first TV interview since suffering a stroke earlier this year, Democratic candidate John Fetterman was asked if he still possessed the mental ability to serve as a United States Senator.
 
Tragedy struck the sporting world when an entire professional soccer team was killed after the team bus glided ever so slightly over a minuscule speedbump at 0.5 mph.
Tragedy struck the sporting world when an entire professional soccer team was killed after the team bus glided ever so slightly over a minuscule speedbump at 0.5 mph.
 
Despite both candidates facing issues with voter enthusiasm, the race for the open senate seat in Pennsylvania has narrowed in recent weeks.
Despite both candidates facing issues with voter enthusiasm, the race for the open senate seat in Pennsylvania has narrowed in recent weeks.
 
A New York-based group of paranormal investigators known for hunting and trapping ghosts is now coming under fire from Democrats for voter intimidation.
A New York-based group of paranormal investigators known for hunting and trapping ghosts is now coming under fire from Democrats for voter intimidation.
 
Sometimes - sometimes I just wish I could go back." Greg Fellman looks out the window as the morning drizzle slowly comes down, blanketing the grass with a gray sheen.
Sometimes - sometimes I just wish I could go back." Greg Fellman looks out the window as the morning drizzle slowly comes down, blanketing the grass with a gray sheen.
 
Biblical scholars have at last uncovered a missing verse from the end of the book of Leviticus that reads: ‘So Anyway, All That To Say, Here's A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe'.
Biblical scholars have at last uncovered a missing verse from the end of the book of Leviticus that reads: ‘So Anyway, All That To Say, Here's A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe'.
 
Hey, friend! I see you were just evacuating your bowels — not that I was watching — so step right up and wash your hands. All you need to do is wave your hand and I'll dispense some soap for you.
Hey, friend! I see you were just evacuating your bowels — not that I was watching — so step right up and wash your hands. All you need to do is wave your hand and I'll dispense some soap for you.
 
Drawing great inspiration from his brief interview with rap artist and fashion designer Ye West, popular conservative political talk show host Tucker Carlson is preparing to release his first rap album.
Drawing great inspiration from his brief interview with rap artist and fashion designer Ye West, popular conservative political talk show host Tucker Carlson is preparing to release his first rap album.
 
Last week, PayPal released an "Acceptable Use Policy" that included a $2,500 fine for people who use their service involving "the sending, posting, or publication of any messages, content, or materials that…promote misinformation."
Last week, PayPal released an "Acceptable Use Policy" that included a $2,500 fine for people who use their service involving "the sending, posting, or publication of any messages, content, or materials that…promote misinformation."
 
2020 Democratic presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard caused ripples in American politics Monday with the announcement that she is leaving the Democratic party. With this news, the title of hottest Democrat goes back to Nancy Pelosi.
2020 Democratic presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard caused ripples in American politics Monday with the announcement that she is leaving the Democratic party. With this news, the title of hottest Democrat goes back to Nancy Pelosi.
 
During a powerful Sunday sermon delivered by her pastor, a local woman has come under deep spiritual conviction that her husband really needs to repent of his sins.
During a powerful Sunday sermon delivered by her pastor, a local woman has come under deep spiritual conviction that her husband really needs to repent of his sins.
 
American singer/songwriter Kanye West took to social media to denounce anti-Semitic comments made by a mysterious, unhinged individual known only as "Ye."
American singer/songwriter Kanye West took to social media to denounce anti-Semitic comments made by a mysterious, unhinged individual known only as "Ye."
 
In promising news for murderers everywhere, the results of a new study indicate the month of October is the perfect time to bury a dead body in your own front yard.
In promising news for murderers everywhere, the results of a new study indicate the month of October is the perfect time to bury a dead body in your own front yard.
 
In a recent speech, President Biden was quoted as saying "folks, two words: made in America." The internationally respected and trusted fact-checking organization Politifact examined Biden's statement that the phrase "made in America" was only two words and rated it "mostly true."
In a recent speech, President Biden was quoted as saying "folks, two words: made in America." The internationally respected and trusted fact-checking organization Politifact examined Biden's statement that the phrase "made in America" was only two words and rated it "mostly true."
 
In a speech given to a vast crowd of twelve, President Joe Biden officially declared "Make America Great Again" to be the three most dangerous words in the world.
In a speech given to a vast crowd of twelve, President Joe Biden officially declared "Make America Great Again" to be the three most dangerous words in the world.
 
To help improve the accuracy of calls on the field, the National Football League will now provide each referee with a seeing-eye dog.
To help improve the accuracy of calls on the field, the National Football League will now provide each referee with a seeing-eye dog.
 
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