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Babylon Bee's Entries

In honor of Dr. King and Coretta Scott King, artist Hank Thomas has unveiled a 20ft statue of the two hugging called the 'The Embrace'.
In honor of Dr. King and Coretta Scott King, artist Hank Thomas has unveiled a 20ft statue of the two hugging called the 'The Embrace'.
 
Following the new tradition of erecting disturbing modern-art monuments for prominent historical figures, the city of Auburn has unveiled a bronze statue of abolitionist and Underground Railroad leader Harriet Tubman's left big toe.
Following the new tradition of erecting disturbing modern-art monuments for prominent historical figures, the city of Auburn has unveiled a bronze statue of abolitionist and Underground Railroad leader Harriet Tubman's left big toe.
 
Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
 
Local woman Karen Bain saved millions of lives this week when she put on a mask for her morning walk. She reportedly took a brief walk down the street and was careful to avoid direct contact with people, grateful for the mask that was saving both her life and the lives of others.
Local woman Karen Bain saved millions of lives this week when she put on a mask for her morning walk. She reportedly took a brief walk down the street and was careful to avoid direct contact with people, grateful for the mask that was saving both her life and the lives of others.
 
Pete Buttigieg has addressed criticism surrounding his lackluster performance as Secretary of Transportation by reminding everyone that he's really, really gay.
Pete Buttigieg has addressed criticism surrounding his lackluster performance as Secretary of Transportation by reminding everyone that he's really, really gay.
 
As investigators continue to find more and more classified documents in various Biden residences, the President attempted to divert attention from the scandal this morning by appearing in a tan suit.
As investigators continue to find more and more classified documents in various Biden residences, the President attempted to divert attention from the scandal this morning by appearing in a tan suit.
 
Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
 
The mood around the nation's capital was somber today after congressional leaders made the declaration that any member who refuses to bow down before the bust of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky would be thrown into a fiery furnace.
The mood around the nation's capital was somber today after congressional leaders made the declaration that any member who refuses to bow down before the bust of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky would be thrown into a fiery furnace.
 
Christian radio station K-LOVE has parted ways with the Apostle Paul over his continued struggles to maintain the station's positive and encouraging on-air vibe.
Christian radio station K-LOVE has parted ways with the Apostle Paul over his continued struggles to maintain the station's positive and encouraging on-air vibe.
 
Ever since changing over to the Jesus Storybook Bible, local man Dan Smith has been totally dominating his Bible-In-A-Year plan.
Ever since changing over to the Jesus Storybook Bible, local man Dan Smith has been totally dominating his Bible-In-A-Year plan.
 
President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help "flatten the curve".
President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help "flatten the curve".
 
After urging from environmental activists, the World Economic Forum, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, Arby's has changed its slogan to "We Have The Bugs."
After urging from environmental activists, the World Economic Forum, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, Arby's has changed its slogan to "We Have The Bugs."
 
Parents were called after an incident at Rosa Parks MLK Harvey Milk Elementary today in which several bullies stuffed 3rd-grader Lance Biggens into a locker after the student refused to give them his pronouns.
Parents were called after an incident at Rosa Parks MLK Harvey Milk Elementary today in which several bullies stuffed 3rd-grader Lance Biggens into a locker after the student refused to give them his pronouns.
 
Meghan Markle, beloved American princess and thespian, announced Friday that her husband Prince Harry would soon begin a lengthy and painful transition into Princess Harriet, a decision he made of his own free will without any coercion whatsoever.
Meghan Markle, beloved American princess and thespian, announced Friday that her husband Prince Harry would soon begin a lengthy and painful transition into Princess Harriet, a decision he made of his own free will without any coercion whatsoever.
 
The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden's tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.
The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden's tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.
 
In an inspiring show of solidarity with abortionists and other eugenicists, the Democratic Women's Caucus showed up to the Capitol this week wearing stylish butcher coats.
In an inspiring show of solidarity with abortionists and other eugenicists, the Democratic Women's Caucus showed up to the Capitol this week wearing stylish butcher coats.
 
Associate Pastor Elijah Stormbringer was assumed bodily into heaven during the Sunday service after a perfect delivery of the morning announcements.
Associate Pastor Elijah Stormbringer was assumed bodily into heaven during the Sunday service after a perfect delivery of the morning announcements.
 
We all know that gas stoves are murderous devils, but they aren't the only household appliances the government should ban for our own safety! Here are seven other appliances that are problematic:
We all know that gas stoves are murderous devils, but they aren't the only household appliances the government should ban for our own safety! Here are seven other appliances that are problematic:
 
The Federal Aviation Administration has shut down flights after Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg fell asleep on the department's "SHUT DOWN ALL AIR TRAVEL" Button once again.
The Federal Aviation Administration has shut down flights after Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg fell asleep on the department's "SHUT DOWN ALL AIR TRAVEL" Button once again.
 
Pfizer scientists are hard at work on a new vaccine that will eliminate the deadly effects of gas stove emissions. If successful, the shot will allow for the use of a gas stove in a well-ventilated environment without masks.
Pfizer scientists are hard at work on a new vaccine that will eliminate the deadly effects of gas stove emissions. If successful, the shot will allow for the use of a gas stove in a well-ventilated environment without masks.
 
After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the alleged crime.
After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the alleged crime.
 
Male M&M's everywhere rejoiced after the announcement by Mars, Inc. that the female M&M's are getting their own bag. The male M&M's hope this change will finally give them some much sought-after peace and quiet.
Male M&M's everywhere rejoiced after the announcement by Mars, Inc. that the female M&M's are getting their own bag. The male M&M's hope this change will finally give them some much sought-after peace and quiet.
 
President Biden's continued efforts to make the world a better place by judiciously banning everything people hold dear continues to bear fruit.
President Biden's continued efforts to make the world a better place by judiciously banning everything people hold dear continues to bear fruit.
 
After another trove of classified documents was found at Biden's residence, Biden defended himself by claiming he is unaware of any classified documents, or who he is, or why he's sitting in an oval-shaped office.
After another trove of classified documents was found at Biden's residence, Biden defended himself by claiming he is unaware of any classified documents, or who he is, or why he's sitting in an oval-shaped office.
 
Are you being persecuted for your faith? Oh no! That's not good! We Americans are experts in persecution, so we want to equip you with the tools you need to survive!
Are you being persecuted for your faith? Oh no! That's not good! We Americans are experts in persecution, so we want to equip you with the tools you need to survive!
 
Job, famed tycoon of sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys, has fallen upon hard times, losing much of his fortune and all his children in a single day, as well as being stricken with painful boils.
Job, famed tycoon of sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys, has fallen upon hard times, losing much of his fortune and all his children in a single day, as well as being stricken with painful boils.
 
An oppressed Iranian woman who did not dare give journalists her name for fear of deadly repercussions said she finally feels like there's hope thanks to an American mega-corporation unveiling a new package of all-female M&Ms.
An oppressed Iranian woman who did not dare give journalists her name for fear of deadly repercussions said she finally feels like there's hope thanks to an American mega-corporation unveiling a new package of all-female M&Ms.
 
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has officially reversed the COVID vaccine requirement for the military, as it is no longer needed now that all the Conservatives have been weeded out.
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has officially reversed the COVID vaccine requirement for the military, as it is no longer needed now that all the Conservatives have been weeded out.
 
Doctors have finally admitted that the best treatment for the flu is watching The Price Is Right while eating crackers, ending decades-long speculation among local communities that flu medication didn't do anything.
Doctors have finally admitted that the best treatment for the flu is watching The Price Is Right while eating crackers, ending decades-long speculation among local communities that flu medication didn't do anything.
 
In a not-so-well-known miracle, Jesus the Son of God has done the impossible and healed a totally lame man by giving him a sick wardrobe makeover, curing him instantly.
In a not-so-well-known miracle, Jesus the Son of God has done the impossible and healed a totally lame man by giving him a sick wardrobe makeover, curing him instantly.
 
The unprecedented rain and flooding in California has forced celebrities to emerge from their mansions and force more selfie videos upon the unwary peasantry.
The unprecedented rain and flooding in California has forced celebrities to emerge from their mansions and force more selfie videos upon the unwary peasantry.
 
People sure have been making a big deal about vaccine efficacy and myocarditis for some reason. Weird! Don't be afraid of taking the vaccine. It may not cure COVID-19, but what it does do is far more valuable.
People sure have been making a big deal about vaccine efficacy and myocarditis for some reason. Weird! Don't be afraid of taking the vaccine. It may not cure COVID-19, but what it does do is far more valuable.
 
Sources are reporting that local man Verp Winston, who was mocked by friends for raising chickens in his backyard, is having the last laugh as egg prices have skyrocketed across the country.
Sources are reporting that local man Verp Winston, who was mocked by friends for raising chickens in his backyard, is having the last laugh as egg prices have skyrocketed across the country.
 
Former Vice President Mike Pence repented publicly at his church on Sunday after sources revealed he had eaten several "all-female" M&M's candies from the new all-female bags without his wife present.
Former Vice President Mike Pence repented publicly at his church on Sunday after sources revealed he had eaten several "all-female" M&M's candies from the new all-female bags without his wife present.
 
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