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Babylon Bee's Entries

We sent our Babylon Bee investigative journalists all across the country to find out which walk-up songs famous pastors are using to hype up the crowd as they leave the on-deck circle and take the stage.
We sent our Babylon Bee investigative journalists all across the country to find out which walk-up songs famous pastors are using to hype up the crowd as they leave the on-deck circle and take the stage.
 
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was thrown for a loop Wednesday when a journalist from NBC asked her an actual question. Jean-Pierre, who had a binder full of notes about various subjects, became flustered when she had to consult it.
White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was thrown for a loop Wednesday when a journalist from NBC asked her an actual question. Jean-Pierre, who had a binder full of notes about various subjects, became flustered when she had to consult it.
 
Local dad Shane O'Mera recently attended "back to school" night at his daughter Amanda's school in order to learn more about what grade she's in now.
Local dad Shane O'Mera recently attended "back to school" night at his daughter Amanda's school in order to learn more about what grade she's in now.
 
The Daily Wire has announced that in response to Disney's continued race-swapping in movies that they will now be returning the favor and making their own race-swapped Disney movies.
The Daily Wire has announced that in response to Disney's continued race-swapping in movies that they will now be returning the favor and making their own race-swapped Disney movies.
 
Are you trying to break a coffee addiction? Have no fear, the self-help experts at the Babylon Bee are here! We assembled our research team and found the top 7 ways to wean yourself off coffee:
Are you trying to break a coffee addiction? Have no fear, the self-help experts at the Babylon Bee are here! We assembled our research team and found the top 7 ways to wean yourself off coffee:
 
Archaeologists, who are scientists who study old stuff, dug up an incredible find in the Holy Land earlier this week: a box of red pens purportedly used to write the words of Christ in the New Testament.
Archaeologists, who are scientists who study old stuff, dug up an incredible find in the Holy Land earlier this week: a box of red pens purportedly used to write the words of Christ in the New Testament.
 
Following declining viewership even amid increasingly grotesque torture devices, the production house for the Saw franchise has announced a reboot for 2023.
Following declining viewership even amid increasingly grotesque torture devices, the production house for the Saw franchise has announced a reboot for 2023.
 
After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.
After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.
 
Local man Jimmy Blanco spent the past six months painstakingly going over player stats, injury reports, and strategy articles as he prepped for his fantasy draft that occurred the last week of August.
Local man Jimmy Blanco spent the past six months painstakingly going over player stats, injury reports, and strategy articles as he prepped for his fantasy draft that occurred the last week of August.
 
It's a tale that's all too common for marriages these days: things seem to be going great, with love and romance in the air, when suddenly, the husband begins to withdraw.
It's a tale that's all too common for marriages these days: things seem to be going great, with love and romance in the air, when suddenly, the husband begins to withdraw.
 
Jen Psaki has started her first day at a completely new job where she will be doing the exact same thing she's always done by acting as a mouthpiece for the Biden Administration.
Jen Psaki has started her first day at a completely new job where she will be doing the exact same thing she's always done by acting as a mouthpiece for the Biden Administration.
 
With inflation and consumer prices continuing to skyrocket, Democrats in Congress have proposed a brand new Inflation Reduction Act to combat the inflation brought about by the first Inflation Reduction Act.
With inflation and consumer prices continuing to skyrocket, Democrats in Congress have proposed a brand new Inflation Reduction Act to combat the inflation brought about by the first Inflation Reduction Act.
 
According to Kamala Harris, America's southern border is totally secure! Whew--that's great news!
According to Kamala Harris, America's southern border is totally secure! Whew--that's great news!
 
In a speech today, President Biden vowed to rid America of cancer. Then, at the close of his speech, he immediately kept his promise and tendered his resignation.
In a speech today, President Biden vowed to rid America of cancer. Then, at the close of his speech, he immediately kept his promise and tendered his resignation.
 
The Swilton Creek Neighborhood Facebook Group again demonstrated its usefulness by providing a helpful warning that some teenagers were outside skateboarding.
The Swilton Creek Neighborhood Facebook Group again demonstrated its usefulness by providing a helpful warning that some teenagers were outside skateboarding.
 
In order to both prod the human population as a whole to sample alternative food sources as well as capitalize on the annual fall craze, officials at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland unveiled their plan to introduce new pumpkin spice-flavored crickets.
In order to both prod the human population as a whole to sample alternative food sources as well as capitalize on the annual fall craze, officials at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland unveiled their plan to introduce new pumpkin spice-flavored crickets.
 
After weeks of unsuccessfully stoking Trump supporters towards violent action, the FBI has changed course, beginning internal discussions for executing a MAGA-style attack using FBI resources.
After weeks of unsuccessfully stoking Trump supporters towards violent action, the FBI has changed course, beginning internal discussions for executing a MAGA-style attack using FBI resources.
 
Vice President and Border Czar Kamala Harris announced this week that the southern border is "completely secure." According to sources, she made the announcement while crowd-surfing on a massive caravan of migrants.
Vice President and Border Czar Kamala Harris announced this week that the southern border is "completely secure." According to sources, she made the announcement while crowd-surfing on a massive caravan of migrants.
 
Local man Derrick Gibbens has finally completed a free mobile game and is happy to report that it only took him $3000 and 800 hours of his time to beat it.
Local man Derrick Gibbens has finally completed a free mobile game and is happy to report that it only took him $3000 and 800 hours of his time to beat it.
 
In an effort to escape the wrath of a weaponized federal government, supporters of former president Donald Trump are placing Biden signs in their yards with the hope that it will cause the FBI to pass over their houses.
In an effort to escape the wrath of a weaponized federal government, supporters of former president Donald Trump are placing Biden signs in their yards with the hope that it will cause the FBI to pass over their houses.
 
We all know there are tremendous benefits to reading the Bible, but it's so hard to be consistent with reading it every day!
We all know there are tremendous benefits to reading the Bible, but it's so hard to be consistent with reading it every day!
 
Google has introduced a new ‘Most Ridiculous Route Imaginable' Button to its flagship navigation app, Google Maps. The button went live to users this afternoon.
Google has introduced a new ‘Most Ridiculous Route Imaginable' Button to its flagship navigation app, Google Maps. The button went live to users this afternoon.
 
After two seasons of fighting the evils of racism through the act of painting words on fake grass, the NFL is hoping a third year of "End Racism" painted in the end zone will finally do the trick.
After two seasons of fighting the evils of racism through the act of painting words on fake grass, the NFL is hoping a third year of "End Racism" painted in the end zone will finally do the trick.
 
Local man Davis Hoffman has decided to take his fiancée out for nice, romantic dinner lit by lightbulb light — a special treat currently unavailable in California.
Local man Davis Hoffman has decided to take his fiancée out for nice, romantic dinner lit by lightbulb light — a special treat currently unavailable in California.
 
This week, local man Connor Servaprof was excited when an acquaintance at a cookout asked him what it's like working as an accountant.
This week, local man Connor Servaprof was excited when an acquaintance at a cookout asked him what it's like working as an accountant.
 
Trade representatives in the United Kingdom were surprised to learn that the offer made by the United States to trade President Joe Biden for Queen Elizabeth II still stands, even after the Queen passed away yesterday at the age of 96.
Trade representatives in the United Kingdom were surprised to learn that the offer made by the United States to trade President Joe Biden for Queen Elizabeth II still stands, even after the Queen passed away yesterday at the age of 96.
 
The midterm elections are fast approaching, which leaves only a few weeks for Republicans to do what they do best: screw it up!
The midterm elections are fast approaching, which leaves only a few weeks for Republicans to do what they do best: screw it up!
 
The late Queen of England Elizabeth II has received a worldwide outpouring of love and support in the days since her death. Seeing an opportunity, Biden has reportedly asked aides if he should try dying to boost his approval numbers a couple of points.
The late Queen of England Elizabeth II has received a worldwide outpouring of love and support in the days since her death. Seeing an opportunity, Biden has reportedly asked aides if he should try dying to boost his approval numbers a couple of points.
 
Scholars examining the Mona Lisa have discovered that Leonardo da Vinci most likely created the famous painting during a one-hour "Paint & Sip" event.
Scholars examining the Mona Lisa have discovered that Leonardo da Vinci most likely created the famous painting during a one-hour "Paint & Sip" event.
 
California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines in recent months for running campaign-style ads in Florida inviting migration to the Golden State.
California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines in recent months for running campaign-style ads in Florida inviting migration to the Golden State.
 
According to sources, Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is now meeting with a therapist 5 times per week to help her deal with the trauma of having conservative relatives and dreaming about Fox News hosts.
According to sources, Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is now meeting with a therapist 5 times per week to help her deal with the trauma of having conservative relatives and dreaming about Fox News hosts.
 
A powerless figurehead world leader with no actual responsibilities is still barely clinging to life, according to sources. Family is said to be gathered at the White House as the leader's condition is reportedly quickly declining.
A powerless figurehead world leader with no actual responsibilities is still barely clinging to life, according to sources. Family is said to be gathered at the White House as the leader's condition is reportedly quickly declining.
 
According to sources, Hell's Kitchen superhero Daredevil was overheard thanking God for making him go blind and saving him the horror of watching She-Hulk twerk with rap artist Megan Thee Stallion.
According to sources, Hell's Kitchen superhero Daredevil was overheard thanking God for making him go blind and saving him the horror of watching She-Hulk twerk with rap artist Megan Thee Stallion.
 
In the latest episode of her podcast Narcissists, model, TV star, fashion designer, podcaster, and princess-in-law Meghan Markle took aim at Queen Elizabeth II's "convenient" grave illness as another aristocratic attempt to pull her from the spotlight for a few days.
In the latest episode of her podcast Narcissists, model, TV star, fashion designer, podcaster, and princess-in-law Meghan Markle took aim at Queen Elizabeth II's "convenient" grave illness as another aristocratic attempt to pull her from the spotlight for a few days.
 
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