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We sent our Babylon Bee investigative journalists all across the country to find out which walk-up songs famous pastors are using to hype up the crowd as they leave the on-deck circle and take the stage.
Published: Monday, September 26th, 2022 @ 12:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was thrown for a loop Wednesday when a journalist from NBC asked her an actual question. Jean-Pierre, who had a binder full of notes about various subjects, became flustered when she had to consult it.
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 8:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local dad Shane O'Mera recently attended "back to school" night at his daughter Amanda's school in order to learn more about what grade she's in now.
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 7:50 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Daily Wire has announced that in response to Disney's continued race-swapping in movies that they will now be returning the favor and making their own race-swapped Disney movies.
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 7:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Are you trying to break a coffee addiction? Have no fear, the self-help experts at the Babylon Bee are here! We assembled our research team and found the top 7 ways to wean yourself off coffee:
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 1:30 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Archaeologists, who are scientists who study old stuff, dug up an incredible find in the Holy Land earlier this week: a box of red pens purportedly used to write the words of Christ in the New Testament.
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 1:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Following declining viewership even amid increasingly grotesque torture devices, the production house for the Saw franchise has announced a reboot for 2023.
Published: Sunday, September 25th, 2022 @ 12:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.
Published: Saturday, September 24th, 2022 @ 9:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Jimmy Blanco spent the past six months painstakingly going over player stats, injury reports, and strategy articles as he prepped for his fantasy draft that occurred the last week of August.
Published: Saturday, September 24th, 2022 @ 3:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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It's a tale that's all too common for marriages these days: things seem to be going great, with love and romance in the air, when suddenly, the husband begins to withdraw.
Published: Saturday, September 24th, 2022 @ 1:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Jen Psaki has started her first day at a completely new job where she will be doing the exact same thing she's always done by acting as a mouthpiece for the Biden Administration.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 7:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With inflation and consumer prices continuing to skyrocket, Democrats in Congress have proposed a brand new Inflation Reduction Act to combat the inflation brought about by the first Inflation Reduction Act.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 11:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to Kamala Harris, America's southern border is totally secure! Whew--that's great news!
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 9:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a speech today, President Biden vowed to rid America of cancer. Then, at the close of his speech, he immediately kept his promise and tendered his resignation.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 9:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Swilton Creek Neighborhood Facebook Group again demonstrated its usefulness by providing a helpful warning that some teenagers were outside skateboarding.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 8:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In order to both prod the human population as a whole to sample alternative food sources as well as capitalize on the annual fall craze, officials at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland unveiled their plan to introduce new pumpkin spice-flavored crickets.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 12:58 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After weeks of unsuccessfully stoking Trump supporters towards violent action, the FBI has changed course, beginning internal discussions for executing a MAGA-style attack using FBI resources.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 12:11 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Vice President and Border Czar Kamala Harris announced this week that the southern border is "completely secure." According to sources, she made the announcement while crowd-surfing on a massive caravan of migrants.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 11:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Derrick Gibbens has finally completed a free mobile game and is happy to report that it only took him $3000 and 800 hours of his time to beat it.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 11:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In an effort to escape the wrath of a weaponized federal government, supporters of former president Donald Trump are placing Biden signs in their yards with the hope that it will cause the FBI to pass over their houses.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 10:21 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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We all know there are tremendous benefits to reading the Bible, but it's so hard to be consistent with reading it every day!
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 12:34 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Google has introduced a new ‘Most Ridiculous Route Imaginable' Button to its flagship navigation app, Google Maps. The button went live to users this afternoon.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 12:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After two seasons of fighting the evils of racism through the act of painting words on fake grass, the NFL is hoping a third year of "End Racism" painted in the end zone will finally do the trick.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 11:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Davis Hoffman has decided to take his fiancée out for nice, romantic dinner lit by lightbulb light — a special treat currently unavailable in California.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 10:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
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This week, local man Connor Servaprof was excited when an acquaintance at a cookout asked him what it's like working as an accountant.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 10:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Trade representatives in the United Kingdom were surprised to learn that the offer made by the United States to trade President Joe Biden for Queen Elizabeth II still stands, even after the Queen passed away yesterday at the age of 96.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 8:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The midterm elections are fast approaching, which leaves only a few weeks for Republicans to do what they do best: screw it up!
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 7:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The late Queen of England Elizabeth II has received a worldwide outpouring of love and support in the days since her death. Seeing an opportunity, Biden has reportedly asked aides if he should try dying to boost his approval numbers a couple of points.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 1:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Scholars examining the Mona Lisa have discovered that Leonardo da Vinci most likely created the famous painting during a one-hour "Paint & Sip" event.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 12:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
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California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines in recent months for running campaign-style ads in Florida inviting migration to the Golden State.
Published: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022 @ 12:44 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is now meeting with a therapist 5 times per week to help her deal with the trauma of having conservative relatives and dreaming about Fox News hosts.
Published: Wednesday, September 21st, 2022 @ 6:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A powerless figurehead world leader with no actual responsibilities is still barely clinging to life, according to sources. Family is said to be gathered at the White House as the leader's condition is reportedly quickly declining.
Published: Wednesday, September 21st, 2022 @ 3:38 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, Hell's Kitchen superhero Daredevil was overheard thanking God for making him go blind and saving him the horror of watching She-Hulk twerk with rap artist Megan Thee Stallion.
Published: Wednesday, September 21st, 2022 @ 1:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In the latest episode of her podcast Narcissists, model, TV star, fashion designer, podcaster, and princess-in-law Meghan Markle took aim at Queen Elizabeth II's "convenient" grave illness as another aristocratic attempt to pull her from the spotlight for a few days.
Published: Wednesday, September 21st, 2022 @ 1:12 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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