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Babylon Bee's Entries

President Biden just solved the economy by creating thousands of IRS jobs! We know you've always dreamed of working for the IRS, but do you have what it takes?
President Biden just solved the economy by creating thousands of IRS jobs! We know you've always dreamed of working for the IRS, but do you have what it takes?
 
After a critically acclaimed first season that was allegedly watched by some people, the producers of the January 6th Hearings have sadly confirmed that their star Liz Cheney will not be returning for season 2.
After a critically acclaimed first season that was allegedly watched by some people, the producers of the January 6th Hearings have sadly confirmed that their star Liz Cheney will not be returning for season 2.
 
In order to make his upcoming Sunday message as entertaining as possible, a local pastor plans to stay up late in search of the perfect Bible verse to compliment the hilarious personal experience he wants to share.
In order to make his upcoming Sunday message as entertaining as possible, a local pastor plans to stay up late in search of the perfect Bible verse to compliment the hilarious personal experience he wants to share.
 
From investigating school board parents to raiding Mar-a-Lago, the FBI is on a rampage! Who will they raid next? It could be you!
From investigating school board parents to raiding Mar-a-Lago, the FBI is on a rampage! Who will they raid next? It could be you!
 
After finally testing negative for COVID, President Biden has invited a group of kids back to the White House to see if his sense of smell has returned.
After finally testing negative for COVID, President Biden has invited a group of kids back to the White House to see if his sense of smell has returned.
 
As D.C. resources begin to buckle under the strain of thousands of migrants being sent to the nation's capital from Texas, the Biden Administration has taken steps to solve the problem by hiring them all as IRS agents.
As D.C. resources begin to buckle under the strain of thousands of migrants being sent to the nation's capital from Texas, the Biden Administration has taken steps to solve the problem by hiring them all as IRS agents.
 
So often we find ourselves eager to see a new episode of Stranger Things. We will immediately drop whatever it is we are doing, cancel plans, and sit for hours watching closely, hanging on every word.
So often we find ourselves eager to see a new episode of Stranger Things. We will immediately drop whatever it is we are doing, cancel plans, and sit for hours watching closely, hanging on every word.
 
Former President Donald J. Trump was seen fleeing on a golf cart while shouting defiantly at federal agents Monday. Witnesses claim he led authorities on a daring chase that reached speeds of up to 30 Mph.
Former President Donald J. Trump was seen fleeing on a golf cart while shouting defiantly at federal agents Monday. Witnesses claim he led authorities on a daring chase that reached speeds of up to 30 Mph.
 
Toxic masculinity has been under fire since third-wave feminism in the ‘90s, and for good reason – men have brought nothing but wickedness and dirty laundry into the world from the beginning.
Toxic masculinity has been under fire since third-wave feminism in the ‘90s, and for good reason – men have brought nothing but wickedness and dirty laundry into the world from the beginning.
 
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced Friday that anyone visiting or working at the Capitol will be arrested on sight if they do not wear pool floaties in case a flash flood hits the building.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced Friday that anyone visiting or working at the Capitol will be arrested on sight if they do not wear pool floaties in case a flash flood hits the building.
 
According to reports, a time-traveling Ancient Mayan priest appeared through a time portal in the offices of NARAL headquarters last week and found himself horrified by the abortion numbers in America.
According to reports, a time-traveling Ancient Mayan priest appeared through a time portal in the offices of NARAL headquarters last week and found himself horrified by the abortion numbers in America.
 
The morning after Trump's Florida home was raided by FBI agents, the former president took the time to thank the FBI for officially kicking off his reelection campaign.
The morning after Trump's Florida home was raided by FBI agents, the former president took the time to thank the FBI for officially kicking off his reelection campaign.
 
In an unprecedented move to protect the safety and security of millions of Americans, the FBI has added itself to the FBI watchlist.
In an unprecedented move to protect the safety and security of millions of Americans, the FBI has added itself to the FBI watchlist.
 
Amid mounting accusations of attempting to intimidate former President Trump from running for re-election in 2024, Attorney General Merrick Garland explained today that when the FBI was tipped off about a school board protest at Mar-A-Lago, they mobilized without delay
Amid mounting accusations of attempting to intimidate former President Trump from running for re-election in 2024, Attorney General Merrick Garland explained today that when the FBI was tipped off about a school board protest at Mar-A-Lago, they mobilized without delay
 
This week, Courtney Lindeen presented her husband Aaron with a bold and innovative plan to solve the family's consumer debt burden.
This week, Courtney Lindeen presented her husband Aaron with a bold and innovative plan to solve the family's consumer debt burden.
 
Congressional Republicans face a difficult choice this week, as Democrats have introduced a bill to save puppies but attached billions in unrelated spending.
Congressional Republicans face a difficult choice this week, as Democrats have introduced a bill to save puppies but attached billions in unrelated spending.
 
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who famously started two wars in the Middle East and shot a dude in the face while hunting, now says Donald Trump is the greatest threat America has ever faced.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who famously started two wars in the Middle East and shot a dude in the face while hunting, now says Donald Trump is the greatest threat America has ever faced.
 
The FBI raided former President Trump's Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America!
The FBI raided former President Trump's Mar-a-Lago home and found incriminating evidence that he was once President of the United States of America!
 
Anthony Spinner, a Wisconsin man who'd recently been broken in half during a backyard wrestling match, attempted to argue his way into the Kingdom of Heaven by showing Saint Peter the Ukraine flag he placed on his Twitter bio.
Anthony Spinner, a Wisconsin man who'd recently been broken in half during a backyard wrestling match, attempted to argue his way into the Kingdom of Heaven by showing Saint Peter the Ukraine flag he placed on his Twitter bio.
 
The Inflation Reduction Act reportedly provides for additional funding to hire 140 million new IRS agents — one for every home in America.
The Inflation Reduction Act reportedly provides for additional funding to hire 140 million new IRS agents — one for every home in America.
 
The Inflation Reduction Act is rampaging through Congress right now and is expected to become the law of the land. But what is in the bill? We went through the text line by line so that you, and members of Congress, don't have to!
The Inflation Reduction Act is rampaging through Congress right now and is expected to become the law of the land. But what is in the bill? We went through the text line by line so that you, and members of Congress, don't have to!
 
Times have been hard for Fairfield Valley Shopping Center, with most of its retail stores going out of business over the last few years. According to sources, all vacant spaces are now occupied by either Spirit Halloween or Starbucks.
Times have been hard for Fairfield Valley Shopping Center, with most of its retail stores going out of business over the last few years. According to sources, all vacant spaces are now occupied by either Spirit Halloween or Starbucks.
 
Local man Donald Struthermeier was on high alert Monday after his wife gasped aloud while reading texts from her phone. He knew from experience that someone had either just died or bought a new handbag.
Local man Donald Struthermeier was on high alert Monday after his wife gasped aloud while reading texts from her phone. He knew from experience that someone had either just died or bought a new handbag.
 
A White House insider confirmed today that the Bidens' German Shepherd Major has been running the country during the president's COVID isolation period.
A White House insider confirmed today that the Bidens' German Shepherd Major has been running the country during the president's COVID isolation period.
 
High-level Chinese asset and sex trafficker Hunter Biden breathed a sigh of relief this evening as an FBI raid team passed by his West Palm Beach vacation home to raid Donald Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago.
High-level Chinese asset and sex trafficker Hunter Biden breathed a sigh of relief this evening as an FBI raid team passed by his West Palm Beach vacation home to raid Donald Trump's residence in Mar-a-Lago.
 
Chaos broke out at the wedding of Addison and Nate Smith last Friday when local LDS hooligans snuck caffeinated black tea from a flask into the punch.
Chaos broke out at the wedding of Addison and Nate Smith last Friday when local LDS hooligans snuck caffeinated black tea from a flask into the punch.
 
The 2022 Batgirl movie is canceled after $70 million dollars in Batmobiles were destroyed backing out of the Batcave.
The 2022 Batgirl movie is canceled after $70 million dollars in Batmobiles were destroyed backing out of the Batcave.
 
Local Dad Adam Major has been praying fervently that one day, someway, somehow that he will be as good of a Dad as the Dad from Bluey, Bandit Heeler.
Local Dad Adam Major has been praying fervently that one day, someway, somehow that he will be as good of a Dad as the Dad from Bluey, Bandit Heeler.
 
Life can throw some real mysteries your way, and we have all wished we could ask God for a few answers.
Life can throw some real mysteries your way, and we have all wished we could ask God for a few answers.
 
WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia.
WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia.
 
It seems like every telecommunications company in the world has gone WOKE! Not good!
It seems like every telecommunications company in the world has gone WOKE! Not good!
 
Local 15-year-old girl Anna Brown recently underwent gender reassignment surgery to become a trans boy named Andre Brown.
Local 15-year-old girl Anna Brown recently underwent gender reassignment surgery to become a trans boy named Andre Brown.
 
There comes a time in every child's life when they begin to assert their autonomy and freedom from the shackles of their upbringing: classic teenage rebellion!
There comes a time in every child's life when they begin to assert their autonomy and freedom from the shackles of their upbringing: classic teenage rebellion!
 
After finding herself unnecessarily upset about a thoughtful critique from her husband regarding her shoe collection and a dearth of closet space, dutiful wife Clarissa Zwygart was able to calm down after her husband wisely counseled her to calm down.
After finding herself unnecessarily upset about a thoughtful critique from her husband regarding her shoe collection and a dearth of closet space, dutiful wife Clarissa Zwygart was able to calm down after her husband wisely counseled her to calm down.
 
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