Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
88.76% I do not approve of behavior that has within its expressed tenants policies that harm children.
10.11% I do support the Trans Community in all its many facets because diversity is at a premium in today's society.
1.12% What is a "Children's Drag Queen Story Hour?"
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.
Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.
 
American author Stephen King emerged from the shadows just before dawn Friday to file a copyright infringement claim in federal court.
American author Stephen King emerged from the shadows just before dawn Friday to file a copyright infringement claim in federal court.
 
Despite suburban white women demurring from widespread Republican support in the 2020 election, new polling estimates a 25%+ increase in this key demographic's projected support for conservatives in the upcoming midterm elections.
Despite suburban white women demurring from widespread Republican support in the 2020 election, new polling estimates a 25%+ increase in this key demographic's projected support for conservatives in the upcoming midterm elections.
 
After an adorably flirtatious back-and-forth with billionaire Elon Musk on Twitter, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen wistfully writing the name "Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk"
After an adorably flirtatious back-and-forth with billionaire Elon Musk on Twitter, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen wistfully writing the name "Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk"
 
According to reports from residents living near Liz Cheney's Wyoming home, the lame-duck representative for the state's at-large congressional district is really feeling the spirit of the holidays.
According to reports from residents living near Liz Cheney's Wyoming home, the lame-duck representative for the state's at-large congressional district is really feeling the spirit of the holidays.
 
Local stay-at-home tech worker Flamden Dwadles is taking a much-needed 3-hour break from hard labor this afternoon as a welcome reward for answering one email.
Local stay-at-home tech worker Flamden Dwadles is taking a much-needed 3-hour break from hard labor this afternoon as a welcome reward for answering one email.
 
This week, the Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Celebrities (SPCC) launched a nationwide campaign to raise awareness about public figures buckling under a new expense that seems targeted specifically at them.
This week, the Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Celebrities (SPCC) launched a nationwide campaign to raise awareness about public figures buckling under a new expense that seems targeted specifically at them.
 
A gardener succeeded in his plot to ruin a local man's important Zoom call by lurking in the bushes outside the man's window and firing up his leaf blower as the business meeting began.
A gardener succeeded in his plot to ruin a local man's important Zoom call by lurking in the bushes outside the man's window and firing up his leaf blower as the business meeting began.
 
As the date of next week's midterm elections approaches, President Joe Biden used his Wednesday night address to warn everyone that the results may not immediately be known because it may take several days for enough Democrat votes to be harvested and double-counted.
As the date of next week's midterm elections approaches, President Joe Biden used his Wednesday night address to warn everyone that the results may not immediately be known because it may take several days for enough Democrat votes to be harvested and double-counted.
 
In a landmark bipartisan agreement, both Republican and Democrat leaders have agreed to accept the results of the 2022 election and not claim everything was rigged — as long as their side wins.
In a landmark bipartisan agreement, both Republican and Democrat leaders have agreed to accept the results of the 2022 election and not claim everything was rigged — as long as their side wins.
 
As Republicans continue to expand their leads in polling across the country, Democrats are worried that the leads may soon grow beyond the normal margin of Democrat cheating.
As Republicans continue to expand their leads in polling across the country, Democrats are worried that the leads may soon grow beyond the normal margin of Democrat cheating.
 
The Federal Reserve controls the economy, prints trillions of dollars so they can make you poorer without taxing you, and raises interest rates on things because of reasons. Sound like something you'd be interested in?
The Federal Reserve controls the economy, prints trillions of dollars so they can make you poorer without taxing you, and raises interest rates on things because of reasons. Sound like something you'd be interested in?
 
After months of searching, authorities have finally located 78-year-old Gale Ashworth, the only known living human who still thinks the Democrats are doing a great job governing the country.
After months of searching, authorities have finally located 78-year-old Gale Ashworth, the only known living human who still thinks the Democrats are doing a great job governing the country.
 
New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times.
New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times.
 
As Republicans continue to surge in the polls in the days leading up to the midterm elections, Democrats report being confused as to why their official "Do More Of What Got Us Into This Mess In The First Place" message isn't resonating with everyday American voters.
As Republicans continue to surge in the polls in the days leading up to the midterm elections, Democrats report being confused as to why their official "Do More Of What Got Us Into This Mess In The First Place" message isn't resonating with everyday American voters.
 
Amid shocking leaks that showed the Department of Homeland Security colluded with tech companies to suppress speech they disagreed with, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas has doubled down
Amid shocking leaks that showed the Department of Homeland Security colluded with tech companies to suppress speech they disagreed with, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas has doubled down
 
After shattering countless lives with heavy-handed and unscientific COVID responses, the Democrats are now asking America to "forget it and move on."
After shattering countless lives with heavy-handed and unscientific COVID responses, the Democrats are now asking America to "forget it and move on."
 
Following months of silence regarding threats and attacks against churches and pro-life groups, legacy corporate media outlets have confirmed that the attack on Paul Pelosi warrants resuming coverage of political violence.
Following months of silence regarding threats and attacks against churches and pro-life groups, legacy corporate media outlets have confirmed that the attack on Paul Pelosi warrants resuming coverage of political violence.
 
Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.
Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.
 
An international Protestant council of scholars and theologians has met this week and formally declared that the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal" does not apply to parents repossessing their children's Halloween haul.
An international Protestant council of scholars and theologians has met this week and formally declared that the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal" does not apply to parents repossessing their children's Halloween haul.
 
A growing number of progressives are requesting amnesty for extreme COVID policies that shattered countless lives, claiming it was in ignorance.
A growing number of progressives are requesting amnesty for extreme COVID policies that shattered countless lives, claiming it was in ignorance.
 
Plumbers across the country are advising voting stations to perform common-sense pipe inspections ahead of midterm elections in light of a bombshell new report that speculates water pipes are so excited for midterms "they could just burst."
Plumbers across the country are advising voting stations to perform common-sense pipe inspections ahead of midterm elections in light of a bombshell new report that speculates water pipes are so excited for midterms "they could just burst."
 
Many transphobic conservatives will refuse to send their sons and daughters to drag queen story hour just because they don't want a grown man in lingerie spending time with their kids.
Many transphobic conservatives will refuse to send their sons and daughters to drag queen story hour just because they don't want a grown man in lingerie spending time with their kids.
 
An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.
An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.
 
According to sources, local parents Josh and Madelyn Bledge are sitting on their back porch relishing the crisp fall air and looking on lovingly as their kids frolic in a pile of autumn leaves and dog poop.
According to sources, local parents Josh and Madelyn Bledge are sitting on their back porch relishing the crisp fall air and looking on lovingly as their kids frolic in a pile of autumn leaves and dog poop.
 
With the arrival of Halloween, local parents are engaged in their annual tradition of buying giant bags of candy to give away to trick-or-treaters on their doorstep while simultaneously sending their own costumed children out to go door-to-door to collect giant bags of candy.
With the arrival of Halloween, local parents are engaged in their annual tradition of buying giant bags of candy to give away to trick-or-treaters on their doorstep while simultaneously sending their own costumed children out to go door-to-door to collect giant bags of candy.
 
Halloween got off to a rocky start at the White House Monday when President Joe Biden complimented Dylan Mulvaney on his girl costume.
Halloween got off to a rocky start at the White House Monday when President Joe Biden complimented Dylan Mulvaney on his girl costume.
 
Experts say they remain baffled at the phenomenon of candy manufacturers still insisting on making flavors other than the undisputed best flavor of all time: green apple.
Experts say they remain baffled at the phenomenon of candy manufacturers still insisting on making flavors other than the undisputed best flavor of all time: green apple.
 
According to sources from the eternal realm, Jesus knows exactly what your church's so-called "Harvest Festival" really is.
According to sources from the eternal realm, Jesus knows exactly what your church's so-called "Harvest Festival" really is.
 
We have all had to hold back on Twitter over the past several years, as even the most benignly contrarian take could land you in Twitter jail.
We have all had to hold back on Twitter over the past several years, as even the most benignly contrarian take could land you in Twitter jail.
 
A local attorney specializing in heated, bitter divorces has seen his business thrive since he set up shop at the exit of his local IKEA store.
A local attorney specializing in heated, bitter divorces has seen his business thrive since he set up shop at the exit of his local IKEA store.
 
Mr. Charles Reginald celebrated his 40th birthday in style today, cracking open a finely aged, single malt bottle of Advil.
Mr. Charles Reginald celebrated his 40th birthday in style today, cracking open a finely aged, single malt bottle of Advil.
 
Through diplomatic channels, America has offered for Kim Jong-Un to test out his nuclear arsenal at the next Astros-Phillies World Series game.
Through diplomatic channels, America has offered for Kim Jong-Un to test out his nuclear arsenal at the next Astros-Phillies World Series game.
 
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