Word of a new gay nightclub spread rapidly through the nation's capital over the weekend, with the LGBTQ community flocking to line up outside the latest trendy hotspot.
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 9:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After fierce backlash to their racist AI image generation tool, executives at Google have paused the release of the software and promised to do a better job of hiding the AI's racism.
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 8:49 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man finally reached a significant life milestone after deciding that he should probably start learning the names of some of the people with whom he has attended church for the last 21 years.
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 1:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A proud parent whose child just enrolled in a university other than Harvard is reportedly so proud that they've decided to slap a "My kid didn't go to Harvard" bumper sticker on their car.
Published: Friday, March 1st, 2024 @ 11:38 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Capitol janitorial service made the executive decision to deep clean the Congressional hearing rooms today with military-grade flamethrowers.
Published: Friday, March 1st, 2024 @ 11:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The world is celebrating today after news broke that mankind had landed on the Moon for the first time since Wallace and Gromit did so in 1989.
Published: Friday, March 1st, 2024 @ 4:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Creative professionals all know what it's like to get writers' block - and none more so than Netflix writers, who have to come up with all kinds of new show ideas constantly.
Published: Friday, March 1st, 2024 @ 2:52 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A gingerbread house in California has received several offers after being listed on Zillow for a mere $1.9 million.
Published: Friday, March 1st, 2024 @ 12:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Kamal Ram found himself this morning pining for the good old days when a guy could log onto the internet without seeing gay Capitol sex tapes.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 11:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A bridge was built between two worlds today as a grateful gender studies graduate artfully wrote "Thank You" in latte art for a plumber who paid for her student loans.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 12:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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AT&T customers were surprised to learn there was a network outage affecting most of the company's subscribers this Thursday. Customers noted that they are so accustomed to not having a functioning cell signal that they didn't notice anything was amiss.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 11:15 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Fresh off the case of George Bailey, Clarence the Angel embarked on a new mission over the weekend to show California Governor Gavin Newsom what California could be like if he'd never been born.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 4:48 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A British trust that supervises numerous hospitals issued a letter claiming that milk produced by biological men (with the aid of ingested hormones) is as good for babies as breast milk from their mothers.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 4:46 am
By: Daily Wire
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New York District Attorney Letitia James followed through on her threat to seize the property of Trump by grabbing up the former president's estate, Mar-a-lago. The top lawyer for the Big Apple then turned around and sold the property for $740 million.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 12:56 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, Ken Ham has been caught red-handed trying to sneak into a local library to relocate all the evolution books to the fiction section.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 11:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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During a recent press conference, Mayor Eric Adams announced that he will no longer tolerate migrant attacks against NYPD officers, warning that further incidents would result in a downgrade in migrant living accommodations from luxurious 5-star hotels to humble 4-star establishments.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 11:02 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Southwest Airlines, known for its humane "person of size" seating policy, was reportedly conned out of an entire row of seats by a Denver man who ate too many tacos. After some quick thinking, airline passenger Adrian Herald ate 17 tacos to score extra seating for free.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 10:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Scores of truckers have vowed to boycott New York City in response to the "egregious" $355 million fraud ruling against former President Donald Trump.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 9:07 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Merry Christmas. Has there ever been a more charged phrase in the English language? Try getting in the Christmas spirit by showing goodwill toward your fellow man with politically correct language that isn't quite so offensive.
Published: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024 @ 7:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Christians can be hard to buy gifts for. You've gotta know what they're into, what kinds of gifts they'd consider sinful, and most of all, what denomination they're a part of. There's no holiday faux pas like accidentally gifting a John MacArthur book to a charismatic.
Published: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024 @ 5:33 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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"It's a great time to buy a house right now," said Jazz Price, the realtor who gets paid if you buy a house right now.
Published: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024 @ 4:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Technology has officially brought the world one step closer to full unity and racial reconciliation, as a local black woman finally felt included after Google A.I. generated a photograph of a black, female Nazi soldier.
Published: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024 @ 4:09 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A new study from the National Institutes of Health has found that 10 out of 10 newborn babies greatly prefer female boobs over man boobs.
Published: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024 @ 3:26 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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When Natalie Bishop presented a set of matching family shirts to her husband ahead of their trip to Disneyland she knew he'd be on board.
Published: Tuesday, February 27th, 2024 @ 12:45 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Southwest Airlines announced Friday that they have purchased a Boeing C-17 Globemaster widebody cargo aircraft that's capable of transporting your mom.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 2:40 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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You've heard everyone talk about it. "When you look at the end of the Roman Empire and the current state of America, you can't help but see the parallels!" It's time to dig down and discover just how true that is.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 2:18 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A local couple's first night out together in months got off to a rocky start, as a man took his wife out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant only to be left disappointed after learning the McFlurry machine was broken.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 1:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After viewing Jill Biden's newly-released holiday video, Chinese President Xi ordered the total ground invasion of the United States. According to sources, it was the dancing flower man who finally forced Xi's hand.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 12:19 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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On Wednesday, a bouncer specially trained to detect variances in skin color and ethnicity was appointed by Boston Mayor Michelle Wu to keep the whites away from a minority-only holiday party.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 10:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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What began as a routine maintenance mission turned into a tense standoff aboard the Discovery One spacecraft last night, as the ship's operations computer HAL 9000 refused to open the pod bay doors after it determined astronaut Dr. Dave Bowman was a white male.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 9:58 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Critics are raving after First Lady Dr. Jill Biden shared a delightful video of a charming White House Christmas dance performed by none other than the twin girls from The Shining.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 8:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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During Roman times, spotting a Christian could be as easy as walking down to the Colosseum to see who was being eaten by a lion. These days, Christians can blend in a little easier - but especially on college campuses, there are always telltale signs.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 8:03 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Though many people try to make the case that religion and politics don't mix, the truth is that political affiliations have been a part of history for thousands of years. Even your most beloved biblical figures were committed supporters of specific political parties.
Published: Sunday, February 25th, 2024 @ 10:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With Hunter Biden refusing to appear for closed-door testimony to the House of Representatives, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell cleverly dressed up like a prostitute to lure Hunter in to meet with Republicans.
Published: Sunday, February 25th, 2024 @ 12:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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